[chickpeayogi]

Hi all,

I've been suffering from anxiety/depression for 10 years, and an eating disorder for maybe 5 (well my therapist & doc think it started much earlier ) and I've been in and out of treatment 10 times. Having mental health issues is a big enough burden already, but lately I've just been really upset about everything. Literally everything I've done in my life I've been beating myself up about. My college, grad school, jobs, relationships, I feel like I did everything wrong. The thing I get down on myself most is that I'm 33 and single, I feel like that's such a failure. And I'm a financial mess due to a terrible combination of medical expenses and compulsive shopping sprees. I always romanticize about the days before my breakdown, when I weighed a lot less and had more money and friends. Does anyone ever get like this? I finally achieved my lifelong dream of living in NYC, and I'm not even enjoying it.

I often hope that this life is just a simulated life (like training you for the real thing), but who am I kidding

this is what i've got, and i messed it up terribly.

even when I had the chance (before MI), to take life seriously, I treated the whole thing like 1 big game
my biggist anxiety is to grow old without anything to show for my life.

and it's happening in front of my eyes

urg

[Fuzzybear]