[Rose76]

I've gotten very depressed. For a few years now, I've been my boyfriend's main caretaker. I get some help, but not enough to let me go home to my own place. I don't know if I can continue doing this. If I could just get a break.

There's respite arrangements available. He won't get as good care as he gets from me when I'm doing my best. But it'll be better than nothing. I'm doing him little good today.

Maybe I can call the VA home care program he's in and tell them someone else has to step in because I'm depleted. I feel like a failure.

I know you are Rose. I have read the trials of what you're going through. I did the same work as you do for many years.

Some of us loved our patients. We went above and beyond because of that. We took care of the soul as well as the body. We listened to the same story many times, with joy. We gave our clients as much dignity as possible. We helped people on and off the toilet and acted as though it was as normal as breathing. We changed diapers with a smile and as little fanfare as possible. We paid attention and had an inkling of what was going on inside the brain. We knew when death was on it's way and held hands when it happened. We comforted the loved ones and detailed the most minute accomplishment for them to hang on to.

For this, we made minimum wage. We had horrible hours. We were watched like hawks (for surely we were criminals with accomplices who forged signatures and received "gifts"......)

This might not be received very well because....it only takes one to make the news and everyone is suspect...just like a lot of other members of society. For every one good person...there will be stories of ten other abusive scammers...I know there is.

I wanted you to know that sometimes there is safety out there. Sometimes there is confidence and trust. Sometimes there is someone who will do this NOT for the thanks (where would that come from?) or the riches (for me...about 9 dollars an hour), but because they care.

I am sorry that your experience has not been good.

You are not a failure. Burnout is frequent. It just happens.

[Rose76]

What you describe is all familiar.

It's lonely being with him. Hunks of him are already gone thanks to dementia. He has stared at the TV all day. I'm becoming just "the help."