Struggling with what to do

Hubby and I are very different. In some ways this is good, I've grown a lot over the last 30 years. In other ways, not so much. I feel very isolated and alone. He and my daughter informed me this last weekend they were selling my china. I realize it is just stuff. It was also a gift from my grandfather for my wedding. We added to it. Used it on a couple of occasions but don't really use it right now. Daughter doesn't want to inherit it. The thing is, I'm not ready to let go. When I said I wasn't comfortable they told me I already agreed. I had agreed to sell what we had added on, but that was after some argument. Now, it seems that meant I agreed with everything. Not only that, I was asked to justify keeping it. It made me feel so small and worthless. How can I justify owning anything? How can I justify living? I don't really do anything either. So now the house is silent. I have no idea if they sold the china or not. I quit taking my medications for Lupus. Surprisingly, they seem to already be having an effect. I slept a solid 15 hours and woke with a horrible migraine. I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm angry, hurt and have no one I feel comfortable turning to. My husband was supposed to be my partner, my friend.

I don't have answers, but I wanted to let you know I read your post.

Well, I do have a suggestion--if you aren't seeing a therapist, I'd look into it. A therapist can teach you about how to set up boundaries. It sounds like you are being treated fairly or with respect. You deserve that.

Thank you for reading. It helps. I was seeing a therapist, but wrecked my car last November. So, no car...no therapist. I've been housebound for months.

Yes, I do have issues with boundaries. Honestly, even when I try, I get shouted down. Maybe I'm just viewing this wrong. I don't even know anymore. I'm certainly frustrated.

Sentimental value is still value and therefore they both should've respected that and backed the hell off. They both should've taken your feelings into account verses their 'logic'. Why did it need to be sold in the first place?

I'm sorry you don't seem to have anyone to turn to. A therapist is a good idea, if anything to debrief, but I'd understand apprehension. Either way, I'm here and listening. In no relationship should anyone ever think they have the right to make you feel small. Ever. It's not right, not healthy and just plain ignorant.

Have you told your husband how it made you feel? It might push a comfort boundary but maybe it'd be worth exploring.

I understand about the china. I inherited my mom's gorgeous china (settings for 12, plus additional pieces) and all of it was stolen in a house robbery (yes, they carried out heavy boxes of china).

What I don't understand is how your husband and daughter sold the china. I mean...didn't people come and look at it while you were there, at home?

My husband knows how I feel. He is intensely against clutter of all sorts. We've lived in the house 30 years, so we have a lot of stuff. I've tried to understand and have gone to great lengths to de-clutter. There is still plenty more that should go, but it takes time and energy. At the moment, most of my stuff is in storage, because daughter and son-in-love moved in to save money and gathered my stuff and put it into storage. That was a blitzkrieg attack of its own. As for selling the china? No, my husband wants/sold it to my brother-in-law. Why he would want it, I have no idea. My guess he wants to sell it. My husband knows how I feel about it. It doesn't seem to matter. :-/ When he gets like this, it is his way and only his way. At this point, I just don't see the point in talking anymore. There is no way I can do anything or say anything right. My grandparents were amazing people who worked with the government and travelled the world. They had a house full of amazing things. They also had stuff from the family passed down through the generations. I was raised to appreciate the history. My husband see it as getting in the way..dust collectors, at best. This has been a fight (not the china specifically but the whole too much stuff) since we first got married. Yes, a therapist would be good. There are none within walking distance. Marriage counseling would be good, too. Husband will not even consider it. Honestly, I know divorce could be an answer, but I'm not into it. I'd rather just let the Lupus take me. Then all my stuff could be gotten rid of and I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. Husband was chatting this morning. Apparently he thinks a few days of silent treatment should have resolved all of this. I should talk, but I don't feel like being reasonable and that is what I will end up being. My left brain will take over. My INFP personality will try and make peace. I'm angry and I don't want to make peace, though.

Thanks all. It helps to know I'm not completely crazy to be upset about this.

You're not crazy at all, I'm really sorry to hear this

I am sorry that you have been disrespected in more ways than one. Wondering if it is at all possible to get one small piece of the china like a cup or plate to remember your Grandfather.

Stuff in storage? Who has access to the keys? Maybe time for a rethink in that regard.

I am a 41 year old mom and me-maw. I have never clinically diagnosed with depression. I never wanted to seek help, other than from a primary physician. Your post peaked my interest because I am currently selling some of my mom and grandma's china along with other china we bought in thrift stores years ago. I feel bad about it because I think it is beautiful.
I am lucky to have 5 generations my grandma, mom,me, my daughter and granddaughter still living and here I am selling heirlooms on E-Bay.
I am doing it out of desperation as I am not working and my husband was laid off from his Eagle Ford Shale job. It sucks. Now that I feel I have hit rock bottom and want help (mental help) I can't get it. I have medicaid and the only resource is to wait in line at 8am at our local MHMR. I can't do that.
Why? I live in a small town and am trying to get work in the school district.
I am a certified teacher who was happy to stay home and homeschool my 10 year old, but due to the circumstances I need to work, but how?
I am constantly an emotional wreck. I am rambling on. This is my 1rst response. Look I guess we can just keep struggling along and lift each other up when we can.

Hey Possum ... love the name! ;-)

Daughter has the keys. I'm not allowed to have them. Yes, I know. It is a bit galling. I know Baby Possum is doing what she thinks is best. She really isn't trying to hurt me. She does have that ultra-practical view of things, which I don't think is altogether bad. If I fight her right now, I'll be fighting a war on two fronts. She and I can be civil to each other even when disagreeing (well, for the most part....) I think hubby is letting me know he is done trying with the marriage. I guess we will be acquaintances in passing. At least that is how I'm viewing it at the moment.

Yes Ol Possum your name drew me to your post.

Having your daughter be the one in control would be very hard to swallow. Do you think that she will do he right thing by you?

Seeing as you and baby possum can talk to each other perhaps you could negotiate out a less painful resolution on this and others practicalities. Hope that you can come to an arrangement where you are all happy enough.