Warning - There are a few tough statements. Keep in mind that it's my bias, and it comes from painful feelings rather than a reasoning mind, but feelings are no less important that reasoning. Also, this could be morning venting (I just woke up) and I feel those feelings will pass when I fully wake up. But I still have them when I'm like this and they're kinda painful.


Previous therapist telling me you don't have to get promotions at work (denying will to succeed), "friends" (I don't see them that way anymore) try to "support" you after being angry with you over time. I have so much bottled up anger, but when once I vented how I feel to someone, he just said "It'd great to see you can better express yourself, well done!" instead of taking my anger deeply.
Women see me as a kind person, but in action don't want anything to do with me.
Family encourages that I take it easy in life (I think it's a trapping idea).

I'm starting to feel I'm gonna cut ties with all my last friends now, everyone. The last few 3-5 remaining. I just find people are more attracted to fun people than more serious people like me. It's hard for me to be fun with depression, people putting you down.

One time I went to a bar where 2 friends were. Then they started "gossiping" and pointing fingers at me. I angrily told "That's very annoying, if you keep doing that I'll leave."
One of them said "We did that to make you angry". I want to cut him off my life because of that.
But then "psychotherapy" says "No, don't cut off ties, it's your depression telling you to do this. Those things can be resolved by telling how you feel about this (and who cares if they'll eventually treat you like a child and dominate you overtime, you have depression so you deserve this).

I don't want to open up my feelings because my feelings are so weak they'll be dominated by more emotionally strong people. I don't know how it works.

Therapy shapes you into the king of kindness, and puts you on harsh edges of karma depending on the way you act with people. I blame both my therapists, mostly the last one. And mostly and sincerely, my father.

[little turtle]

my father wasn't able to love me....he didn't love me...he didn't want another kid...me
I am a very serious person....and I am very angry...my best friend is a serious person...

[Fizzyo]