Going down a bit at a time

I'm 57 and bipolar. The mania seems to be mostly gone from my life and I am left with the depression. It seems like no matter what self-help things I do or how many meds I take, I still feel weak and depressed. I let people down. I am on disability and just generally feel worthless.
My friend is the couch. I feel so weak and unable to really get up and go anywhere. If it weren't for my husband, kids, and friends, I think I'd just give up.
I started on Buspar a few weeks ago for anxiety. I do feel less anxious but feel so down. I worry that my life is going to be one downhill spiral and then I will disappear. I am a waste.
Thanks for reading. I just needed to talk.

I feel where you're coming from, and know what that downward spiral is like. I too feel like a waste, but I also have the strong belief that no life is a waste. You've probably heard it all before, but you have brought some kids into this world, and they wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You definitely don't sound like a waste to me!

I hope the Buspar is eventually able to help with the depression too, or you're able to find some relief asap! It's not a nice place to be we're all here for you!

I will be 67 this year, and I would guess meds are not going to fix our feeling weak and depressed. Instead, I have had to accept the fact I can no longer do all the high-energy things I had done for so many years, and I have had to greatly adjust my expectations, projections and so on in relation to my future. The overall thought of our lives being "one downhill spiral and then [we] disappear" is actually at least partly accurate, and I say that because very few of us go out in blazes of glory leaving global impressions behind.

Someone sent this to me this morning: "Better a handful with quietness than both hands full, together with toil and grasping for the wind."

That does not mean to just sit and do nothing, of course, just holding things that are actually within our ever-decreasing ranges of reach.

Hi lilypup, I'm 54, bipolar, and also have noticed that my hypomanic states have kind of evaporated since being in my 50's. So I'm left with depression and anxiety much of the time. You're not a waste. It sounds like there are several people in your life who love and care about you, and you about them. I don't have any magic words to help you, but please know that you're not alone.

Thank you all, your responses mean a lot.