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#1
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When I was younger I would liken myself to a hard wood . If you scratched me it did not make a mark. As I have aged I became a soft wood. Now scratches left a mark. Sometimes a very deep mark .
Today ... I am a veneer , the cover hides what is underneeth with a false top. If you scratch me (as happened today) it goes straight thru and there is nothing to stop it . The helplessness to keep it together is exposed , the weakness is there for all to see , I feel so frail , physically shaking , withdrawing from everyone , hiding . Wanting to crawl in bed and pull the covers up and over . Praying when I do it will be over . I thought I was so well , so strong , but like a leaf it only took a stiring wind to blow off my mask. I don't believe it will ever be safe for me. I am so tired from lying to myself and others . Not to worry the Tigger will go on . It feels like defeat and so depressing but what else is there . |
![]() Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896, Nammu, subtle lights, Unrigged64072835, whisperingskye
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#2
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You're really strong.
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__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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#3
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I second that (what Só leigheas said). You are strong! We all become a little weaker when we become older, but to become older means that we have been strong enough to not give in! Never, never let anyone trample on you. You have your own dignity ...
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![]() MtnTime2896, wiretwister
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#4
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what I have realized is I am going flat out , giving it all I have . I have no reserve , so when that second wind is needed , it is just not there . at least no zanex today , just a stick of ritz crackers , comfort food ... one small victory .
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![]() MtnTime2896, subtle lights
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#5
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Maybe giving all you have is all the world needs...maybe your vulnerability is what the world needs because it's the deep honest you and I can feel that.
I'm so sorry it hurts ![]() ![]() |
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#6
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And vulnerability is strength. You really are strong!
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#7
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Can definitely relate to this analogy
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__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
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#8
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Yay for no Xanax! I understand that small victory.
__________________
"I would rather have questions that can't be answered than answers which can't be questioned." --Richard Feynman |
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#9
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a hard one though ...
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#10
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__________________
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