[yaw817]

My question is about my mom’s condition
• Age 73
• Married – For 48 Years - @ 1966, (My Dad passed away in 2014)
• Retired as a school teacher
• Never had any adversities in life and my Dad used to take care of all her needs – Such as Banking, Shopping etc.
• She was very soft spoken and always tries to be in the back seat ( Never takes any initiative)
• Very religious ( Christian Faith )
• No illness or sickness ( Such as Diabetics, Cholesterol, Blood Pressure etc. )
Once he passed away, she tried to stay alone and then developed depression
• Never steps out of the home
• Fear and Anxiety
• Memories from the past ( even prior to her marriage ) – She has a feeling that she is a sinner
• Never eats or take any initiative to do things
Current Situation
• At an Elderly home care ( Almost 2 years )
• No memory loss, no other Illness
• Takes medication for depression
• Never eats by herself. The staff feeds her
• Not interested in religion, but remembers hymnals, bible verses etc
• Though physically able, she prefers to be in bed.. ever for her day to day needs
• Folds her leg, never walks or attempts to walk, Someone holds her by shoulders
• Not motivated at all.. for a come back

Will there a come back ?

[Skeezyks]

Hello yaw817: I'm sorry I do not know the answer to your question. However, I will mention I'm 68. And my "gut-level" instinct tells me... no... there will be no come-back. My experience has been that once an older person reaches the point your mom is at, maintenance of effort is about the most one can expect. Of course, my saying that doesn't make it so. Perhaps your mom will be different. But that's been my experience.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

[MommaD]

So sorry Yaw817 that you're faced with a tough situation with your mom. No one can predict with certainty what might happen and miracles sometimes happen. I've been best served by hoping for the best but planning for the worst.
Hoping that you and she have better days soob

My suggestion pertains to the care home. They should be encouraging her to do things for herself rather than doing it for her. This might require some 'tough love' at first. What I am saying is that she needs to be encouraged/learn to be self-sufficient. She needs to learn to rely on herself. An example is she should be expected to be at least present in the dining room when she is fed. Little things like that will spawn bigger feats.

When you see her next ask what she did for herself that day and try to avoid asking what you can do.

I speak from current experience. My boyfriend's daughter is in a rehabilitation hospital right now. She refuses to do anything for herself and refuses to participate - including meal time. She is deteriorating emotionally. But it doesn't have to be that way. If only she would be held accountable and expected to participate.

[yaw817]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

My suggestion pertains to the care home. They should be encouraging her to do things for herself rather than doing it for her. This might require some 'tough love' at first. What I am saying is that she needs to be encouraged/learn to be self-sufficient. She needs to learn to rely on herself. An example is she should be expected to be at least present in the dining room when she is fed. Little things like that will spawn bigger feats.

When you see her next ask wo.hat she did for herself that day and try to avoid asking what you can d

I speak from current experience. My boyfriend's daughter is in a rehabilitation hospital right now. She refuses to do anything for herself and refuses to participate - including meal time. She is deteriorating emotionally. But it doesn't have to be that way. If only she would be held accountable and expected to participate.

Yes, I will ask what she did for herself.. and the likely answer will be ,, no, i did nt do anything.. the care home is encouraging and yes, tough love
They are feeding her as well..

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's condition. I went through the same thing with my father after my mom died. My heart goes out to you.

[yaw817]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I'm sorry to hear of your mom's condition. I went through the same thing with my father after my mom died. My heart goes out to you.

Thanks and how are u doing now

[yaw817]

Originally Posted by yaw817

Thanks and how are u doing now

Same - No big difference.. Thanks for asking