[Astridetal]

I am feeling very low and having mny dark thoughts. A little background: I've been in a mental instituttion/hospital since late 2007 with various diagnoses but little treatment. The Original intention was for me to stabilize after a crisis and then find a suited long-term sheltered living facility for me that could deal with my disabilities (blindness and what was at the time diagnosed as autism). Fast forward nine years and no such living facility has been found. We haven't tried for the past several years, because I said I wanted to investigate the possibility of me living with my husband (whom I first met six weeks before being admitted and married in 2011) with home support. Now I've had the same psychologist for the past 2 1/2 years. Previous psychologists and psychiatrists were more supportive of my needs and more willing to think alongside me and support me in the process. This one 1. made my wish to investigate the possibilities into a no-going-back plan, 2. made no arrangements for home support for me until last week *which are still pending), while she had previously set the discharge date to May 1, and 3. changed my diagnosis in such a way as to make it sound like I don't need care and to make more care, should I need it, impossible. I'm now diagnosed with dependent personality disorder (only the wanting to be taken care of part not the passive/submissive part apparently), borderline personality disorder traits and depression NOS. That depression diagnosis is not for treatment, since I've been on the same antidepressant, same dose for 6 1/2 years with no review. It's purely because she'd have to discharge me right after changing my diagnosis if she removed all axis I (we still use DSM-IV) diagnoses. In other words, there's no recognition of my autism anymore. I'm in the process of getting an independent second opinion, but that will take longer than May 1.

I've been trying more and more to practise independence because I felt I had no choice but to live with my husband anyway so I'd better try to make it work. That's led to weekly crises (I only go there for the week-ends) but since the police wasn't involved (or another crap reason) my psychologist "didn't hear of it so it should've been minor". I don't thik that if it was a major crisis, she'd care much either. I mean, what constitutes a major crisis in her opinion anyway? I don't want to die if that's what she means (althoght eh thought crosses my mind regularly), but I can't go on living like this either.

[Skeezyks]

Helllo Astridetal: I'm sorry you are encountering so much difficulty. I'd simply like to send my best wishes with the hope that you will be able to find a way to work through all of this & achieve some level of contentment.

[Astridetal]

Thanks so much.