I always feel so alone… And I feel like there's nothing I can do to change this. When I trust people they tend to let me down. I feel like there is no point in me living either.

It doesn't take much to make me happy, but I'm hardly ever happy, because when something little happens especially from someone I thought I trusted… my emotions come crumbling down again. I feel so vulnerable then… but if someone who I never really trusted and don't know does something hurtful, it doesn't phase me. So why do I let those other people get to me?! I wish it wouldn't…

I also get like this often. I get really really low… then I may get high again. Could this be a sign of a mental disorder? Or am I just a freak…

Sorry for this rant guys I don't express my feelings much, especially in real life. But I feel like I'm watching my life pass by, why I wait for something to change… I want things to change but I don't now how. I truely believe that I am worthless… that I mean nothing to my family and people in my life.

[subtle lights]

I hear you

I've also been thinking like this "either I have a mental disorder or I'm a freak". A diagnosis made me feel less of a freak but maybe because I felt like I am "not alone".
Then I realised that I'm still a freak for the "mainstream"

Maybe it's no relevant in your case what I've written here, but still, you're not alone here

And yeah, apparently highs and lows are not considered the "norm", sensitive people with changing moods are still considered weird. I can't imagine myself wanting to be always in the neutral though (I tried to be zen-like but still depends on personality). But sudden mood changes can be a sign of some issues too, depends...

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I hear you

I've also been thinking like this "either I have a mental disorder or I'm a freak". A diagnosis made me feel less of a freak but maybe because I felt like I am "not alone".
Then I realised that I'm still a freak for the "mainstream"

Maybe it's no relevant in your case what I've written here, but still, you're not alone here

And yeah, apparently highs and lows are not considered the "norm", sensitive people with changing moods are still considered weird. I can't imagine myself wanting to be always in the neutral though (I tried to be zen-like but still depends on personality). But sudden mood changes can be a sign of some issues too, depends...

Thank you subtle lights… you are very helpful.

[Fuzzybear]

I hear you too Dax. Do you have a diagnosis? I used to feel like this a lot but once I got my diagnosis (BPD) it explained why I felt the way that I did

Originally Posted by Lavender.

I hear you too Dax. Do you have a diagnosis? I used to feel like this a lot but once I got my diagnosis (BPD) it explained why I felt the way that I did

I've ever told a doctor about this… You guys are the only ones who really know. Thank you for replying.

[Sunflower123]

I just wanted to say thank you for posting. You're not alone. I'm here if you need to talk. I understand what you're saying about people.

[Frankbtl]

Hi DaX

First of all I don't see you as worthless at all!!
But I am really sorry that you feel that some people in your life don't appreciate you.......they should!!!

As for feeling so hurt when people you trust let you down, I think that's very understandable, after all you have made an emotional investment in them and in trusting they won't let you down.......other people you don't have that trust with.......well not such an emotional investment..........so it's not you at fault there it's those who've let you down
As for the people you trust letting you down though perhaps you could re-evaluate the level of trust or the expectations you have in them.........e.g. you might be able to trust them 100% in some areas, but in others they may be real falible and risk letting you down...........so maybe adjust your expectations in those areas???

The lows and highs though...........the lows..........I know your life circumstances, the people around you and depression have a big impact on those ...........but the highs..........are there any..........even vague..........triggers you can think of which may cause them (assuming they aren't dangerous highs!!).............maybe something has given you a little hope, maybe something has helped shift your perspective on your situation or your future, maybe you've felt a sense of some achievment, maybe something has made you feel a little better about yourself, maybe you've felt a sense of connection, maybe any or all of the above........because those things/thoughts/feelings are really worth trying to hold onto as much/long as you can, maybe evne write those things down to remind yourself when things are starting to look "bad"??
So yes, I don't think that the sudden high's are necessarily a bad thing...........depending..........because sometimes some spark/some bright light/some break in the clouds of depression/some actual hope when you've had so little can feel so good.
For some people without depression the circumstances causing them/the feelings may be "no big deal", but when you're really struggling and..........well that can be different.............
So..........if you think...........try to hold onto them???

Something to change..........maybe try setting yourself some real small goals to start with...........and they could be anything at all............not forgetting to give yourself real positive praise for achieving them either!!!!

But.........finally..........DaX, while you're on here, you're not alone

Alison

[MickeyCheeky]

You'll never be alone here

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi DaX

First of all I don't see you as worthless at all!!
But I am really sorry that you feel that some people in your life don't appreciate you.......they should!!!

As for feeling so hurt when people you trust let you down, I think that's very understandable, after all you have made an emotional investment in them and in trusting they won't let you down.......other people you don't have that trust with.......well not such an emotional investment..........so it's not you at fault there it's those who've let you down
As for the people you trust letting you down though perhaps you could re-evaluate the level of trust or the expectations you have in them.........e.g. you might be able to trust them 100% in some areas, but in others they may be real falible and risk letting you down...........so maybe adjust your expectations in those areas???

The lows and highs though...........the lows..........I know your life circumstances, the people around you and depression have a big impact on those ...........but the highs..........are there any..........even vague..........triggers you can think of which may cause them (assuming they aren't dangerous highs!!).............maybe something has given you a little hope, maybe something has helped shift your perspective on your situation or your future, maybe you've felt a sense of some achievment, maybe something has made you feel a little better about yourself, maybe you've felt a sense of connection, maybe any or all of the above........because those things/thoughts/feelings are really worth trying to hold onto as much/long as you can, maybe evne write those things down to remind yourself when things are starting to look "bad"??
So yes, I don't think that the sudden high's are necessarily a bad thing...........depending..........because sometimes some spark/some bright light/some break in the clouds of depression/some actual hope when you've had so little can feel so good.
For some people without depression the circumstances causing them/the feelings may be "no big deal", but when you're really struggling and..........well that can be different.............
So..........if you think...........try to hold onto them???

Something to change..........maybe try setting yourself some real small goals to start with...........and they could be anything at all............not forgetting to give yourself real positive praise for achieving them either!!!!

But.........finally..........DaX, while you're on here, you're not alone

Alison

Hi thank you for your long response. It was very helpful. I kind of see what you mean… maybe I should start lowering my expectations… that way when things happen like this… it won't feel like I got run over by a truck lol. Thanks again Alison.

[imaginethat]

I have a few close friends but still feel alone. Sure, I can talk to them about my woes but not as much as I'd like. I don't want to be a big downer so that they dread seeing me.

People will always let you down even a little because they're human. Relationships are hard because of that very reason. I try to overlook the small stuff. After all, I'm far from the perfect friend.

Originally Posted by imaginethat

I have a few close friends but still feel alone. Sure, I can talk to them about my woes but not as much as I'd like. I don't want to be a big downer so that they dread seeing me.

People will always let you down even a little because they're human. Relationships are hard because of that very reason. I try to overlook the small stuff. After all, I'm far from the perfect friend.

This is very true… Thank you!