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Keikster96
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Default Apr 11, 2017 at 04:40 PM
  #1
I'm afraid that I'll finally commit suicide one day. The thought and want has become so normal for me. I want to die...yet I don't because of my mom and brothers. But I can't live for them forever. I really want to get help. I need it but I'm so scared to talk to my college counselor about it because I don't want to get locked up. The thing is I've struggled with suicidal ideation almost every month since I was 13 (I'm 20 now), so it's not like I'm in immediate danger. But I feel like the school counselor won't see it that way and will try to lock me up. This is why I don't think I'll ever get help for it, thus, me finally going through with the act What do I do?
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Default Apr 11, 2017 at 05:10 PM
  #2
Hi. I often experience suicidal ideation, but don't think I would ever actually do it, unless something catastrophic happened in my life, such as if I found myself homeless. I'm on disability and survive on a meager income.

I've talked to my therapists in the past and my current psychiatrist about my suicidal ideation. They are professionals and know that that does not mean you are currently suicidal. But still, to prevent being locked up, I always add that I have no current plans or intentions to commit suicide.

What worries me is that you are seeing a school counselor who may not know the difference between suicidal ideation and actually being suicidal. So, if you don't want to be institutionalized against your will, I would make it very clear that you are not currently suicidal.

But after stating that, going on to talk about your suicidal ideation could help you to deal with it better by having someone to talk it through with. So I would suggest considering bringing it up so you can finally get some help for these issues. You shouldn't be locked up if you say you're not currently suicidal...

I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you the best of luck! I can relate.

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Keikster96
imaginethat
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Default Apr 11, 2017 at 08:12 PM
  #3
I really think that if you talk about it, you'll feel better. There's a big difference between wanting to die and having plans to kill yourself. Better to talk about it now rather than if it progresses to you making plans. God hope that doesn't happen.

I've wanted to die plenty of times, but I don't kill myself because it would hurt my mom too much. She's been caring for so long. I can't give in to the darkness.
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Default Apr 11, 2017 at 09:49 PM
  #4
I am not sure who would be best to talk to ... but I really feel it would be best if you did ... I suggest a professional ... at least in my experience if you do not have an actual plan to commit there is no danger of being put inpatient ... you are very young and these feeling need to be handled and addressed now ... it will only get harder as you age and these feelings become more ingrained ... keep yourself safe my friend ... Tigger .

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Keikster96
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Default Apr 11, 2017 at 10:58 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by imaginethat View Post
I really think that if you talk about it, you'll feel better. There's a big difference between wanting to die and having plans to kill yourself. Better to talk about it now rather than if it progresses to you making plans. God hope that doesn't happen.

I've wanted to die plenty of times, but I don't kill myself because it would hurt my mom too much. She's been caring for so long. I can't give in to the darkness.

I don't know if this is considered having "a plan" but I already have my method planned out and I have a location. But I am not actively planning on going through with it...
my problem is that whenever I would feel suicidal I would research methods...so now I know way more about suicide related things than I should. I think I'll try to talk to the other school counselor just because I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about it to mine...(I really like her and I don't want to worry her). I'm glad you're still here. Sorry you struggle with the thoughts too
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Default Apr 14, 2017 at 12:24 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikster96 View Post
I don't know if this is considered having "a plan" but I already have my method planned out and I have a location. But I am not actively planning on going through with it...
my problem is that whenever I would feel suicidal I would research methods...so now I know way more about suicide related things than I should. I think I'll try to talk to the other school counselor just because I don't know if I feel comfortable talking about it to mine...(I really like her and I don't want to worry her). I'm glad you're still here. Sorry you struggle with the thoughts too
I think you are taking the right step. I hope the person you are going to talk to knows the difference. I have thoughts of suicide more days then not and my therapist and pdoc know this. I too have a plan...a method and a location. Sometimes the thought and the act come uncomfortably close but so far so good. I'm sorry you've struggled for so long. Good luck with the talk.

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