[dexter]

I've been sleeping much better and much more regularly... still sleeping too late in the morning, and still often taking a nap midday but not every day anymore.

Last night was torture though... couldn't sleep at all. I've been sleeping with my windows open because it has been cool out and my a/c isn't working well. Two nights that was great, the air and sounds of the breeze were very soothing. But last night for some reason all the birds came out to torment me. At first I thought it was neighbors outside making noises at a party or something. Then I realized is was just a bunch of pteradactyl sounding birds marking their territory. Unrelenting, and all different calls in different patterns. It took until 5:00am for me to get up the energy to climb out of bed and close the damn windows.

I went to the rheumatologist yesterday, first appointment there in over a year, filled her in on everything that has been going on. Currently my joint pain hasn't been too bad. She didn't see the need to draw fluid or anything, told me to stay on the Tylenol for now, and prescribed some x-rays and physical therapy.

My knees must not have liked going to doc. Mid day yesterday and all night long the pain was excrutiating, right knee in particular was THROBBING even when lying still in bed. That hasn't been the case for quite a while, so the lack of sleep from that was disturbing and depressing. And then the birds came. At 5 when I got up to close the window I downed some more Tylenol and finally it is feeling better now.

Just an aggravating night.

Worst is that is is effecting my confidence as to going back to work. In the midst of the depression I feel I won't be able to work because just the physical pain and fatigue will keep me from going in. I've been feeling better about that but last night brought back all my fears, because I was so tired this morning that if I had to go to work I would not have been able to drag myself out of bed to go. I can't be comfortable seeking work if I will be that kind of employee. Hard to explain.

Gonna try and post some jokes now in "Distractions"

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