[subtle lights]

I have no words left. I want to cry but can't. I'm stuck inside. Please don't rationalise this.
In the same time I just want to talk and be understood. But I can't be. So I stop.
I'd like to help others but can't and also I'm unable to contribute anything useful.

I am very scared of what's next. My last week at work. Everything is a mess and I just wanna escape.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

I have no words left. I want to cry but can't. I'm stuck inside. Please don't rationalise this.
In the same time I just want to talk and be understood. But I can't be. So I stop.
I'd like to help others but can't and also I'm unable to contribute anything useful.

I am very scared of what's next. My last week at work. Everything is a mess and I just wanna escape.

Ok - so I am not going to rationalize (because you asked not to) - but I am going to make one comment and then ask something else.

You are contributing useful things now.
What do you fear may come next?

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Ok - so I am not going to rationalize (because you asked not to) - but I am going to make one comment and then ask something else.

You are contributing useful things now.
What do you fear may come next?

Getting lost in nothingness. Also I cannot work now even though everyone pretends I'm so functional. Even my therapist thinks so. I have no idea what is next. A lot of aloneness and losing my mind (what's left of it)

I said I don't want people to rationalise because I feel that when people come with solutions they usually don't want to accept my experiences as valid. As it is. They just want me to negate it or to snap out if it.They just want me to stop talking. I'm not referring to anyone specific, just how I experience it now.

[Rose76]

I know what you mean. You're not looking for someone to start "problem solving" with you. It also would not be helpful for someone to suggest that you "employ your coping skills." Saying this mood is probably not permanent doesn't help how you feel now. And it seems distinctly possible that you might further unravel and get into worse shape.

I don't blame you wanting out.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by subtle lights

Getting lost in nothingness. Also I cannot work now even though everyone pretends I'm so functional. Even my therapist thinks so. I have no idea what is next. A lot of aloneness and losing my mind (what's left of it)

I said I don't want people to rationalise because I feel that when people come with solutions they usually don't want to accept my experiences as valid. As it is. They just want me to negate it or to snap out if it.They just want me to stop talking. I'm not referring to anyone specific, just how I experience it now.

I wasn't referring to only me that you requested not to rationalize - it was a generalization and taken and honored as such. I will make a suggestion about your "functionality" though. I told you in an earlier post - I learned after a few years therapists seem to have some kind of earplugs on when it comes to you truly opening up to them and indicating what you need from them. Therefore - I learned to speak "signals". There are certain signals they watch for to make them "aware" of a "problem" or think you need a different medication referral or think you need hospitalization or etc. Basically, I learned to be in tune enough with myself to know what I needed and give the appropriate signals. For you - they say you are still functional, yet you know you need more assistance to truly be functional....simply "tweak" the things that you know you have issues with so they are slightly more noticeable... dont weak too much or they will call you on it. Just do a little - if they still dont see it, do a little more ... Until they do. Each time you have to tweak, be a bit more stressed (not hard bc usually it is stressful doing that), that way when they ask what's going on .. You can say "i dont know, just super stressed (and add in other things that may be applicable or you need them to listen to you about) lately" .. That's how I got my counselors to work for me ... When they stopped being productive, I basically "guided" them til I found a new one...

Probably not the best method but at least it gets you help...

[subtle lights]

Thanks, this is helpful. I think I've been already doing this, I was just afraid that I am manipulating them. I do have the tendency to think ahead, to ponder what I have to say to get an effect I need. Sometimes it's automatic. I wanted to stop doing this with my T but apparently I need to continue.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

You're welcome. I felt the same way - but the feeling of "I need to look after me first because nobody else will" took over in the end