Procrastination, yet progress

The good part... I FINALLY got moving today and was able to get my monitor shipped for repair. They picked it up from my house today. I am starting to be able to "move" again.

To wait for the pickup though I put off my plan today to visit a friend who might possibly have a job opportunity for me. Actually I've been putting this visit off for two weeks. Last week I was just motionless from depression again. This week I pledged to make it a priority on Monday... I had a doc appt and was going out of the house anyway... but I didn't make it there. Tuesday my excuse was that I didn't sleep all night Monday night because of the pterodactyl and the kneethrob (which is not akin to a heartthrob, nor as attractive).

I went through my phone messages and there are three messages from the mortgage bank. The worst thing I can do is not answer them, but that is what I am doing. I want to visit my friend first so that if I do have a job opportunity there, I can call the bank and tell them I will be working again soon. I also still haven't finished the forms to withdraw from my 401(k)... if I did that I could tell the bank I will have some money to make a payment in two weeks. Anxiety is causing me to not be able to breath over this... but today I got my monitor shipped.

I do that, done that all my life. I procrastinate but I do so not by goofing off but rather by accomplishing a task that is either emotionally easier, or a task that I can finish and then goof off and tell myself "hey I got that done at least."

I'm just so afraid of life. In some ways I always have been. But at least I've been able to function before this depression came a'knockin'.

The good thing is that at least getting the monitor shipped definitely seems to be because I feel "mobile" again after the setback last week... rather than something I had to force myself to do. I am hoping I can keep this up tomorrow. I was kind of hoping that FedEx wouldn't pick up today so I could curse at them for breaking their promise and then stay home again tomorrow.

I will try to work hard to keep moving tomorrow.

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--http://www.idexter.com

{{{Dex}}} Glad you are 'mobile' again Keep truckin I hope tomorrow shows progess as well.



<font color=purple>Pain can indeed be a beautiful thing</font color=purple>