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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
9 365 hugs
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#1
How long must I hold on for other people?
Possible trigger:
Then I think about my mom and grandfather and how much that would hurt them. Then there's my wife. She doesn't want me to die. But I'm so tired. So so tired. __________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. Last edited by sabby; May 13, 2017 at 09:50 AM.. Reason: Administrative edit to remove method and plan which is against our Community Guidelines |
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![]() GreenBlueRed, MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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Conflicted...
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: The darkness
Posts: 3,356
14 86 hugs
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#2
By society's standard until you die naturally. I can say having tried with pills before it's difficult to do with pills. The body has built in mechanisms to support the human body's natural instinct for survival. No doubt your family will be destroyed by your death when they realize it is suicide.
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
9 365 hugs
given ![]() |
#3
__________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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Conflicted...
Member Since Jul 2010
Location: The darkness
Posts: 3,356
14 86 hugs
given ![]() |
#4
It's a different level of devastation. Trust me, I've watched 3 families go through it. The agony will haunt them for many years possibly a lifetime. I can't explain it.
ETA: I get the desperation of an attempt, even the thoughts. I will tell you that knowing what I have seen doesn't stop the thoughts for me but it has put a stopper on attempting. This is not judgment or meant to be a guilt trip...I'm just telling you what I have seen. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Europe
Posts: 884
7 1,385 hugs
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#5
![]() ![]() I don't know why I felt the need to share this with you, but I did. ![]() |
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![]() Anonymous37954, GreenBlueRed, Humpty Dumpty, MtnTime2896
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![]() Humpty Dumpty
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
9 365 hugs
given ![]() |
#6
Quote:
Your experience sounds horrific. I'm glad you survived. Thank you for sharing that. __________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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Member
Member Since May 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 145
7 187 hugs
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#7
Quote:
I don't know. My uncle tried. He went to a motel. We were all terrified because we could not find him. He is in so much pain. Too many deaths of loved ones, taken from him by illness and accident. Life seems cruel and there is nothing to say. Yet, that pain would only radiate into more lives, create more hardship, if he let it go like that. We found him safe. Every day is a struggle. I love him, but I can never say he is unjustified with how he feels. No one knows the future, good or bad. If you are too tired to fight, let another fight for you. You are not alone. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,545
(SuperPoster!)
9 95k hugs
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#8
Humpty Dumpty, I hope you will reconsider. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and that you are so, so tired. I take it you've been fighting this for a long time? Would it help to reach out to your pdoc or therapist? Your family needs you. There is some small part of you that must want to live to post in the first place. Hang on and keep fighting. I just wanted to lend my support.
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
9 365 hugs
given ![]() |
#9
Quote:
Yes I have been fighting this to various degrees for over 2 decades. Part of me does want to live. Yet I am so tired of pretending everything is ok. I'm tired of fighting to live. __________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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![]() MtnTime2896
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,545
(SuperPoster!)
9 95k hugs
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#10
That's a long time to fight. You're a warrior with battle scars. Are you open to a pdoc or therapist but mainly a pdoc? What if there is a med out there that could turn this around for you? True, I can never understand exactly how you feel but I do understand being too tired to fight to live anymore. Thinking of you....
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Legendary
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
(SuperPoster!)
8 38.4k hugs
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#11
I'm really sorry, Humpty, I wish I could help you somehow.. or at least give you an hug, a big, real, physical hug.
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![]() Humpty Dumpty
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Grand Member
Member Since Jul 2015
Location: On a wall
Posts: 813
9 365 hugs
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#12
It's a catch 22. Yes I would be open to a pdoc if I could find one that I could trust. The problem is I don't trust any head doc (therapist or otherwise). I have had way to many reasons not to trust them. So unless my fairy godmother will magically find one that I can trust I wont ever talk to one.
__________________ It's only paranoia until it happens. Why I don't trust doctors Things You Wish People Understood About Depression I mean what I say & I say what I mean. |
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