[MtnTime2896]

I'm insensitive. I'm a crappy friend. I'm an even worse sibling. I wouldn't call myself the best fiance, either.

In general, I'm not worth the dirt I walk on.

This stuff is a small fraction of what I think on a daily basis. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. It's non-stop. It's every day. It's my life.
No amount if therapy has ever helped this. Not a single medication, mindfulness or alternative therapy. Nothing stops it.

What's the point in fighting the truth anymore? Even when I'm happy, I still think and "hear" these things on repeat.

As discussed in another post--these are messages given to you while you were very young. Acknowledge the feeling but you deserve to live your life for you! If you are kind and do no harm to your friend, sibling and fiance then you are deserving. Just worry about the present moment--we can't change the past. No need to prove yourself--you are a wonderful person. You deserve to enjoy the rest of your life.....

[Fuzzybear]

((((( So leigheas )))))

I haven't found you to be any of those things

In my experience, those who are insensitive, crappy friends and relatives etc rarely question themselves

Someone else planted those noxious words and thoughts. I'm not sure how to rid someone of those messages either. Good therapy can help. So can good friends who "get us" .. As we both know, some people are "in therapy" for years. I hope you don't give up

[Aardwolf]

You are far, far from a crappy friend. I can testify to that fact without a shadow of uncertainty. There are not many things I am certain about mind.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I can also fully understand when your brain tells you "i'm a crap person" then it's the truth as far as you're concerned, even if it isn't. Rational thought doesn't even get a word in edgeways.