[Aloe]

Hello. I've been going through an episode of major depression for around two months now, with intermittent feelings of "hyperness" and unusually happy mood. (mostly i have experienced symptoms of depression although with a week long bout of elevated mood) i wouldn't call it "mania" as such perhaps hypomania. For this reason i am planning on bringing up the possibility of bi polar disorder with my doctor who i' seeing on friday. I have experienced hypomania a few times before since the age of about 15 (i am 29 now) the diagnoses i got at 18 was "major depressive disorder" and "generalised anxiety disorder" I have been taking 150mg of clomipramine every night for around 10 years.

I have become very suspicious and scared of people. I have been off work for around a month,while i was still there i became unable to make eye contact with customers and co workers. Generally i get on quite well with co workers but it started to feel like they were talking and laughing at me or trying to purposely ignore me and alienate me. I started to feel very ugly , infact i thought i was the most hideous person alive, that i made people feel sick when they saw me. I was convinced people were excluding me because i was so ugly, they all hated me. Although it feels very real to me, I was told that the thoughts i was getting are irrational.

That's a little backround info, The symptoms im getting with the depression are low mood, bouts of anger, difficulty concentrating etc. I think i may be hallucinating too. I have felt someone touching me when i'm alone in my room. not like a mouse but like its a finger or hand. I occasionally will hear my name being whispered, not in my ear but like the voice is coming from the other side of the room. The scariest one was, that i walked head on into traffic because i thought i saw the green man. The car screeched to a hault and the driver honked the horn, looking angry. I just pointed at the green man, convinced he was at fault. When i looked again, i saw it was red. I felt like the change was too quick for it to be real. I'm still not sure what really happened that day. Do these sound like hallucinations? I have never had them before, but this episode of depression is by far one of the worst i've had before.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Does it sound like bi polar disorder or major depressive disorder with pycotic features? Or are these just normal thoughts of someone with major depressive disorder?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Aloe

Hello. I've been going through an episode of major depression for around two months now, with intermittent feelings of "hyperness" and unusually happy mood. (mostly i have experienced symptoms of depression although with a week long bout of elevated mood) i wouldn't call it "mania" as such perhaps hypomania. For this reason i am planning on bringing up the possibility of bi polar disorder with my doctor who i' seeing on friday. I have experienced hypomania a few times before since the age of about 15 (i am 29 now) the diagnoses i got at 18 was "major depressive disorder" and "generalised anxiety disorder" I have been taking 150mg of clomipramine every night for around 10 years.

I have become very suspicious and scared of people. I have been off work for around a month,while i was still there i became unable to make eye contact with customers and co workers. Generally i get on quite well with co workers but it started to feel like they were talking and laughing at me or trying to purposely ignore me and alienate me. I started to feel very ugly , infact i thought i was the most hideous person alive, that i made people feel sick when they saw me. I was convinced people were excluding me because i was so ugly, they all hated me. Although it feels very real to me, I was told that the thoughts i was getting are irrational.

That's a little backround info, The symptoms im getting with the depression are low mood, bouts of anger, difficulty concentrating etc. I think i may be hallucinating too. I have felt someone touching me when i'm alone in my room. not like a mouse but like its a finger or hand. I occasionally will hear my name being whispered, not in my ear but like the voice is coming from the other side of the room. The scariest one was, that i walked head on into traffic because i thought i saw the green man. The car screeched to a hault and the driver honked the horn, looking angry. I just pointed at the green man, convinced he was at fault. When i looked again, i saw it was red. I felt like the change was too quick for it to be real. I'm still not sure what really happened that day. Do these sound like hallucinations? I have never had them before, but this episode of depression is by far one of the worst i've had before.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Does it sound like bi polar disorder or major depressive disorder with pycotic features? Or are these just normal thoughts of someone with major depressive disorder?

I don't know what is going on although I agree something is. I'm glad you see your pdoc tomorrow to get this straightened out. Good luck and best wishes....

[Aloe]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I don't know what is going on although I agree something is. I'm glad you see your pdoc tomorrow to get this straightened out. Good luck and best wishes....

Hello, thank you for the reply. I went to the doctor and she referred me to a psychiatrist, she mentioned the possibility of bipolar disoder too. I'm in the UK so the system we have here (free health care) means I will need to wait a few weeks ( that is with doc putting an urgent request in.)

I'm feeling pretty isolated and scared. I don't feel suicidal anymore but I fear I will as I'm starting to feel worthless and like I don't deserve anythig good.

I'm also wondering if symptoms started a while ago and I should have got help. For around 6 months I kept getting thoughts that I was actually dead. Sometimes I tried to laugh them off sometimes it would cause me to panic. I felt like I was living in the afterlife and all my surroundings had nothino to do with the living world. That I was dead and my family had already burried me. I wish I told the doctor that when I first got those thoughts instead of ignoring it, now I'm terrified I have completely lost it and I'm going insane.

[BrowseAfterMidnight]

Hi Aloe,

I experienced something similar this past December. At the time, I was just put on my first antidepressant, Ciprolex, by my pdoc. I had days where my energy would be elevated, I would become physically agitated and impulsive and have lots of ideas. One time, I was convinced I had terminal cancer and I was in complete shock from the diagnosis I imagined receiving for a couple of minutes, but then I managed to convince myself that it was illogical and impossible, although it definitely felt real. Another time, while I was feeling quite suicidal, I thought people on the train were after me and that I had to keep my face hidden and stay still, otherwise they will come after me... then I thought someone from the train actually followed me to the ER. When later on a nurse asked me if I thought they were still in the building, coming after me, I admitted that it was unlikely. She told me it was anxiety/paranoia that I was experiencing.

Anyways, I got a diagnosis of MDD despite being unsure if I may have had hypomania... I switched medication, and I have not had hypomania or severe paranoia since. My therapist also told me that paranoia, which can seem like delusions, is sometimes part of depression.

Your case is unique (just like any other), so I definitely recommend seeing a mental health professional because the differences between disorders can be subtle. Although I also suggest doing some of your own research because mental health professionals don't really know what's in your head and it's often about how you phrase it...