[gonegirl99]

Years back, I wasn't aware of why I struggled with depression and anxiety and I would fear my mother's death. Now within the past year, the truth about my family has come out. I'm learning to save money to leave and it's psychological torture. I have nightmares now of my family saying they never cared about me and didn't want me to be born. And then after the nightmares, I'm still stuck here.

Growing up I thought I lived in a normal household and that by default my mother cared about me. But ever since 2016 I'm realizing both of my parents never cared about me. AND THIS IS A SCARY ****ING THOUGHT BUT IT'S BECOME MY NEW REALITY. I know I realize I could be loved and validated by random strangers because I lacked it in my life.

We got a cat about a month ago. Because the sibling was so dirty rodents came into the kitchen. Now the rat is gone but the cat is still here. And I've grown a bond with the cat, who is loyal unlike my own family members WOW. But now my mother sees that the cat lowers my anxiety & the ***** comes up with excuses that cat should go back to the shelter and be euthanized because she scratched up the couch. The ***** should've put plastic in the first place.

[gonegirl99]

There are some people who've had narcissistic parents but they've known it's since childhood. I'm just now realizing it. And I'm remind of it EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is new to me. But now if I try to leave, I'm afraid for that cat. Is it possible for me to escape one day and take the cat with me legally??

LIFE IS HELL FOR ME AND I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY ****ING MORE. THERAPY WOULDN'T SEEM TO HELP.

Possible trigger:

I'M JUST WISHING DEATH ON MY MOTHER AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS AT THIS MOMENT AND I DO NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT.

IT'S TOO MUCH. I SHOULD'VE HAD MY OWN PLACE BY NOW AT 25. NOW I'M STUCK AND BOUND TO DIE HERE???

[passionfruit3]

Why do you hate your family so much you really didn't go into detail.in fact it sounds like this all happened in one day and you just woke up and hated them.my family is dysfunctional to i wish I could get at 24.i need to but my mother is like the blackmailer of the year.and she makes me feel so guilty about decisions I make to try to be independent.she says I can stay with her forever.those words echo in my brain like I'll never have freedom I'll always be taken care of by someone else. The only way I'd leave at this point is if I had her approval and I know that won't happen cause I'd be the last child to leave and she'd be alone.but you if you really want to leave I'm pretty sure you could and it sounds like she don't like the cat so you might get away with taking it to.if not let her take it to the pound and tell them you'll take it.do you have a job.if not I'd suggest finding one.maybe take a class so you can get a job doing something your good at unless you are already good at something.you are not out of options you are not out of options your out of patience there is difference and patience can be learned over.you need to remember what you learned in therapy and breathe a little but more when you get angry like this cause anger can do to things neither good it can make you deadly ill or it can make you want to kill. And there's consequences for both.

[Sunflower123]

You sound like you would be happier to move out on your own. What's holding you back from moving out at the age of 25? You're legal. If you sneak the cat out with you, your mom would probably actually be grateful.
Good luck and best wishes....

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

You sound like you would be happier to move out on your own. What's holding you back from moving out at the age of 25? You're legal. If you sneak the cat out with you, your mom would probably actually be grateful.
Good luck and best wishes....

Finding a good paying job. That's what is probably holding OP back.

I'm 25 and I still with my family and I can tell you that it's not that easy to just "move out". I got my Masters degree in December and I am still struggling to find a job. The job market is hard out there. People don't want to higher me because I'm either over qualified in terms of education or I'm under qualified in terms of experience.

So I don't agree with that part of your comment. Sorry if I sounded harsh, it's just that moving out as a young adult is so much harder than people think it is. I have friends my age and a little bit older and we all still live at home because we either 1) can't find a job or 2) have a job that doesn't pay well but they need the money.

But I do agree that OP might be happier living on their own.

I'm really sorry you're dealing with this OP. When we're children, we don't realize how dysfunctional our family is because we're not disillusioned as yet. Then we get older and the mask falls away. It happened to me, when I realized 22 years after my grandma came to live with me and my mom (when I was 3) that she was narcissistic and abusive.

I understand how you're feeling.