Major Depression Realization Has Happened

So I had been lightly diagnosed with depression over the decades. I am adopted and making a long story short. My bio-mother once told me (when we were talking) she only suffered "Major Deep Depression" and that was her only flaw. ()
So to keep this short, I am not sure if it is the energy shifts that have been occurring universally or if I am actually self-diagnosing myself with MDD (Major depressive disorder).
FACTORS FOR ME:
- I have been in surgical menopause unmanaged hormones for 3 years.
- Complex medical problems and compounded issues.
- SEVERE insomnia at night, with a strange weird jittery creeping feeling in my body. I have to bounce my foot and it happens automatically, and I have come to learn this is a flag the anxiety is coming. (I am on Ativan) for the anxiety and have been for years, seems less useful nowadays but required or my body feels like it is going to combust when the anxiety strikes.
- Hypersomnia during the day, so tired and weak, I stay in bed. I have lived in my bed and house for 5 months only leaving if I have to and cancelling plans to avoid leaving.
-Became an alcoholic a year after daughter ranaway, throwing me away.
I am now (today) 2 weeks sober. It is VERY hard for me. Alcoholism runs rapid in my biological family genes.

I am hypersensitive to most psych meds and have paradoxical effects to them as well. I have been cancelling out of therapy for medical reasons for weeks and just met my therapist. I tend to lean towards liking her.
Tomorrow she is going to do a phone session with me, as I can not go to the office due to medicals.
I have 5+ pets and I take care of them but not like it used to be. I love them so much, they have saved my life many times I have sat on the edge of my bed realizing just because I have a life doesn't mean it is worth living.
- I have "failure to diagnose" for a reticulated, livedo-like appearence for 6+ months 24/7 that 6 Dr.'s have no idea what it is and are passing me like a hot potato. I barely clean my house and if it were not for my boyfriend MAKING (nicely suggesting and not giving in) me leave the house and we have had a good time each time. Do what do I do about this? I am 38, 39, in the months to come and I feel lost. Like I will never be found. I shower every 2 - 5 days, if I do not leave the house. I used to shower 2x day. Our hot water heater at the new house is expensive and I lost my job from medical issues so I do not want my boyfriend to have to pull more weight than the entire family...

Hello Perceptionist: Thanks for sharing your struggles. I'm sorry I don't think there is really much I can offer with regard to this other than to keep working with your therapist doctors.

Since you have some medical concerns as well as mental health ones, I wondered if you are familiar with PsychCentral's sister website: NeuroTalk. There are a lot of members there who have a lot of experience with a wide variety of physiological / medical conditions. If you're not familiar with NT, you might take a look at the forums over there & see it there's anything there that is of interest:

https://www.neurotalk.org/

I wish you well...

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time physically and mentally. I hope your therapist can give you some relief. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping things get better for you soon.