[mulan]

Some weeks ago this former classmate sended me a message on Facebook, he wanted to hang out with me. This was a very strange move, since we are not much more that aquitances. I strugled without knowing what to do and what to say. When he confronted me about me not giving him a proper answear (He told me he just wanted to know me better and be my friend) things became strange and without giving much I had to explain to him I am a litle bit anxious (I am very anxious in fact) and that I am not used to get out. The cliche it's me not you would have been perfect and nonetheless true!
So, me, the social anxiety girl, the schizoid and depressed one found myself agreeing to hang out in a one one situatuation. It is enough of a scary situation that has everything to fail, but it's not all.
I live with my sister, so if I got out I would have to tell her who I was going to met and this seems an even harder task. I just don't know how to tell her and how to explain it to her, she would have a lot of question I don't want and I don't know how to answear (i don't have any friend... I only get out with her, I avoid to get out with colleagues when I am invited).
He has reached many times since, he even said if I everything need/want a friend he would be mine. I just don't know how to deal with this, how much should I tell him about my disease... How much unnormal does he think I am ...what can he understand and what Will he find strange. Most of what I am is determined by my disease and there is no way someone could get to know me better without knowing it... Like... (What are your hobbies? I don't have any... Why? Let me explain to you how I feel...)
But I could really use a friend sometimes... What am I getting into. (By the way, from what I know from him he is a good person).

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

All I can tell you is the truth.

Some people will be fine with it, some won't. You need to be willing to accept either possibility before you tell anyone. Tell him only as much as you are comfortable with. Just get to know him for now. As things start arising that it seems appropriate to mention something about it, tell him the bits you are comfortable with and if he asks more questions, answer them. Let the friendship progress naturally in this way. That way you don't push him away unnecessarily nor do you put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

[Clara22]

Do you have to talk about your condition on a first date?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Do you have to talk about your condition on a first date?

I agree. Get to know each other first.

[elevatedsoul]

i would personally be up front

i have anxiety problems and get anxious in certain situations and am nervous about going out as i haven't been out in a long time with anyone although i could really use a friend too if you really want to hang out and are ok with me being a bit socially awkward and are being sincere and are not trying to kill me or any other strange activity then maybe we can take it slow and just talk a bit?

but thats just because ive tried to hide my problems for so long im trying to change that because me hiding my issues have gotten me into alot of trouble and put me into a lot of situations where i really did not want to be in

[Fuzzybear]

[mulan]

To clarify: we had many opportunities in the past to get to know each other better... He was in my class for three years, we worked on some group projects together, I grouped with him some times for practical classes. I called him an aquitance and he was one of the classmates I would talk more with...

And don't even know if it is going to happen, I don't want to say no, but I find excuses to not to do it, and don't make an effort to find a convinient time. I just want to do it without my sister to know for not a much racional reason. And what does this makes him think of me? Is strange how I can't make sense of my emotions, many of my reasons aren't racional and I don't know what to make of them.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Question: Would you consider him an acquaintance vor a friend now?

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Question: Would you consider him an acquaintance vor a friend now?

For me it's very hard to call someone a friend. I consider myself friendless, I don't feel close to anyone, not even my close family. The way I feel it is impossible to consider anyone as a friend. (I can see the paradox...).
But I don't do what friends do, I don't speak my heart without fear of judgement...

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Ok - so here is my advice then.

Go ahead and go out with him. Have fun. Don't talk about anything you do not feel comfortable talking about. IF something occurs that causes you to become anxious or etc. Then tell him you need to stop and why. He doesn't need to know everything right away and you don't need to feel totally "emotionally naked" (for lack of better phrasing) right away either. Give yourself time to become comfortable with him.

I think that if he questions you, you could simply say "I have anxiety". If you want to introduce this part of yourself without him asking, you could say "I'm sorry I haven't managed to get away before, I have anxiety"

I find this to be a relatively "safe" thing to say to people I don't know. It has such broad meaning. It doesn't scare people away, it explains a lot of things, it doesn't require further explanation....

I hope you get to go and go soon. Could you go when you're sister isn't around so you don't have to tell her why you're out?

[elevatedsoul]

send your sister to the store to go shopping and dissapear while she gone

leave her a note saying "gone fishin, be back later"

lol