[Miss Laura]

She has dated him for 3 years and have lived together for 2 years. He was diagnosed with Diabetes (Insulin dependant) in Nov 2016 at 29 years old. It was a shock to everyone.

He doesn't wash, brush his teeth, is properly depressed in the I don't care attitude for motivation. He has a full time job and drives an hour each way to and fro work. He hates his job but refuses to do anything about it.

He went to the GP a month ish ago and he got Antidepressant. He has yet to take them unknown to me.

He and my Sister are on rocky roads cause he refuses to get help. GP offered couples counselling. But my Sister said it's him that needs help not them. Now she has said she will do whatever she needs to, to fight for their relationship.

Any ideas on what he/us can do? I myself have Bipolar so I know what it's like to be in pain. I just can't help him I don't think?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

She has dated him for 3 years and have lived together for 2 years. He was diagnosed with Diabetes (Insulin dependant) in Nov 2016 at 29 years old. It was a shock to everyone.

He doesn't wash, brush his teeth, is properly depressed in the I don't care attitude for motivation. He has a full time job and drives an hour each way to and fro work. He hates his job but refuses to do anything about it.

He went to the GP a month ish ago and he got Antidepressant. He has yet to take them unknown to me.

He and my Sister are on rocky roads cause he refuses to get help. GP offered couples counselling. But my Sister said it's him that needs help not them. Now she has said she will do whatever she needs to, to fight for their relationship.

Any ideas on what he/us can do? I myself have Bipolar so I know what it's like to be in pain. I just can't help him I don't think?

Well, first this relationship is between your sister and her boyfriend so there's nothing you can do unless one of them specifically ask for your help. Most of the health issues are going to depend on him since it is his body. Nobody can force a person to do, think or say anything. They can try. For instance she can drive him to the doc and walk him to the office, she can even talk for him - but she cannot make him follow through with the advice (other than MAYBE showering and taking medication). But, if she does these things it will lead to resentment and many other negative emotions. It will also be seen as controlling which is never good in a relationship regardless the circumstances. If she wants couples counseling, that's fine, but again - that's a two-way street. Is he willing to follow any advice given? Honestly, until he wants help, or becomes a legit danger to himself or others, it is all in his hands. All she can do is talk to him and hope for the best. Remind him how much she loves him and how good things were and can be again and that she is there to help him through this, if he will let her.

[*Laurie*]

Encourage your sister to attend the couples therapy.

[Mackie51]

I think focus on helping your sister. It's their relationship that needs to be worked on and it's her that he has the relationship with. Make time for your sister. Listen to her, be there for her and support her as much as you can. I agree that they need to go for couples counseling since she needs help to cope with him as much as he needs help to better connect with her. We all have issues and it's always good to get help when we need it. We need to keep reminding ourselves that mental illness can be as small as dissatisfaction with how your life is going to full blown illnesses that need medication. And, as with physical illnesses, sometimes the earlier you treat it the better.

Try to avoid butting in. Be the support. And only to your sister. Just be there as much as she needs it. Don't judge either. Like, I don't see what you see in him or anything that's about their relationship. It's just about her and all about her. Let her make the decisions and be there whatever happens after that. Just be there to help your sister in whatever way she needs your help (as long as it's not something unethical or against your values).

[Miss Laura]

Thanks guys, she has said he can speak to me since I've been there with the depression. He knows I know everything. He's just very lazy and it's effect on my Sister is difficult to watch. She was crying the other week. He is sleeping in the spare room this week.

He is a gamer and spends all his time on the xbox which is infuriating. Staying up alk night sleeping all day. He has no routine. He works shifts (6-2, 2-10).

His Diabetes he is happy to stick himself but any tables he has for his high blood pressure etc he refuses to take. His Mum who doesn't live my city is concerned and spoke to my Sister but he doesn't listen to anyone.

He went to Ireland on March as part of his 30th and said he will be different and things will be better for them. Yet 3 months in and it's worse.

I understand it's all on him. I said that to my Sister. I said he needs to want to get better and or seek help. She should of went into his GP appt with him but she refused as she said it would all be on her to do the talking. It's just hard...

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Miss Laura

Thanks guys, she has said he can speak to me since I've been there with the depression. He knows I know everything. He's just very lazy and it's effect on my Sister is difficult to watch. She was crying the other week. He is sleeping in the spare room this week.

He is a gamer and spends all his time on the xbox which is infuriating. Staying up alk night sleeping all day. He has no routine. He works shifts (6-2, 2-10).

His Diabetes he is happy to stick himself but any tables he has for his high blood pressure etc he refuses to take. His Mum who doesn't live my city is concerned and spoke to my Sister but he doesn't listen to anyone.

He went to Ireland on March as part of his 30th and said he will be different and things will be better for them. Yet 3 months in and it's worse.

I understand it's all on him. I said that to my Sister. I said he needs to want to get better and or seek help. She should of went into his GP appt with him but she refused as she said it would all be on her to do the talking. It's just hard...

Do you think his depression is having a big impact on his laziness, lack of hygiene, etc. He has to want to get help. Please tell your sister to take good care of herself so she doesn't burnout. Best wishes.

[Wild Coyote]

Support your sister as much as you can without over-stressing yourself.

Suggest couples counseling. A good couples therapist can help them to sort through what's going on and why, whether they truly want to stay together and then will help them to achieve their goals, whether it's staying together or separating.


WC