Other people triggering you to get worse?

(I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for this post, I'm still learning this board)
TW set just in case.

Struggling with Depression is hard enough on its own, having others' actions make you fall deeper into depression can be even worse.

I'm not even sure how to put this. My S/O is somewhat known and has a large fan base and MANY of them only like him for his looks. These people have a hard time knowing hes in a relationship so they send me hate mail almost non stop.
At times it's easy to laugh it off, ignore it and move on. But sometimes, like yesterday, I just get so much and its extra cruel and I just think maybe they're right. This one person decided to pick apart everything about me and tell me multiple times over the course of their messaging spree to kill myself, and ask me why I haven't yet.

I don't talk much about it publicly at all but I have tried to Kill myself in the past and I've been trying to manage the urges to try again. It's hard to not let over 50 messages picking everything about you apart just roll off your back. I know its just strangers and they don't matter, but words hurt. Badly.

They message me more telling me its my fault, and they wouldn't do it if if if... yet i barely even post on my social media anymore. I never respond to this kind of stuff, ever. I never ever post about my relationship, hes the only ones whose posted a few things with us together. I just hide away from the internet now for the most part because of this. No matter what I do it doesn't stop. I know them telling me its my fault is just another way to try and cause issues for me.

But the biggest issue is, its just, especially yesterday, its just making me think that suicide is the only way out at this point. I'm self harming again, I barely have a life anymore, I barely enjoy the internet anymore because of this ****. If it werent for my S/O I would have tried again and idk.

I don't even know where I'm going with this. Depression is getting worse. I need to see someone again I think. I'm not sure. I just feel like this place might be the only 'safe' place to talk about any of this. Sorry for the blog post, I'm just kinda scared these days. I don't know how to pull myself out of this slump. I don't know how to not be scared to even check my phone anymore. I broke down and told my S/O yesterday that hes the only thing keeping me alive and I know its not even fair to him to have so much responsibility but I just have no idea how to find other things to live for anymore.

Heres a in your way. Keep fighting for your peace of mind.

Thank you so much BearGuardian <3

I'm not much for advice at the moment, my mind is lost to the depths.

However, I'm here and listening.

So sorry to hear what's happening, I wouldn't be able to handle it either, my back is neither big nor smooth enough for that amount of abuse.

Can you opt to not read their BS and just delete it?
Change your SM settings to private?

Let his fanbase be his, and keep your life as separate as possible.

It's terrible that you're getting through this.. I'm so sorry. Like Trippin suggested, is there any other way to make your contact private? I don't know for sure (we should know what social media you use specifically, but you don't have to share if you don't want to). Have you told your SO that those messagges are hurting you? What did he say when you broke down yesterday? I know it isn't his fault, but still..

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It never ceases to amaze and horrify me how cruel people can be online. I would agree that blocking these messages would be a good idea, but first report them through whatever mechanism the platform has.

My heart goes out to you.

Can you block them on social media or stay off of it entirely? Likewise, if they are blowing up your phone, change the number and only give it to a select few. When you receive mail have someone else open it without you looking at it. Please protect your mental health. Best wishes.

I feel for your pain. I think there are a few ways to get better.
First of all why do you go back to the place of all the hurt ? You know there are ways to block the BS. My take , and I don't mean to be insensitive here , is that you have no life of your own ! Why does your life hang in the balance because of your SO ? Use social media to enhance YOUR life in some way. You are taking all this crap to heart because YOU have no self esteem.
Cut the umbilical cord and start a new life for YOURSELF. I don't mean to be harsh but when I see someone's life hanging in the balance because of other people or a SO I get angry. Angry because I'm letting others dictate my life.
People who don't give a damn about you. Why don't you start giving a damn about YOURSELF ! You know what needs to be done here so stop being a victim and get going !
I say all this with love.

Believe me, I want this more than anything. I never tried to even be known by them, my name has never been mentioned anywhere, I honestly have no idea how they figured out who I am. Online I try very hard to make it all about me, my stuff, my interests. I never have and likely never will post about my S/O. The issue is that they found out who I was somehow and just bomb me. I post gifs of cats, or photos Ive taken, reblog something, tweet about a sunset, anything that I find enjoyable and new accounts are made to attack me. The issue is I feel trapped because I have no safe place where I can do what I want and post what I want and only talk to people who I enjoy. I try to keep things separate from him but everywhere I turn, the fans are stalking. I'm struggling to take things back.


Its on tumblr, messages come from anyone and while I do block them all, its so simple to make another account and keep going. Which is what is going on. My other social media accounts dont have this issue as much in the private chats, its more public and easier to block but tumblr is the issue, because they have no real way to prevent it from keeping on. Ive considered just removing my account but I enjoy having the blog as an outlet and I just wish I could have it back. (if anyone is familir with tumblr and can tell me how to change my setting so I can control who messages me, I'd appreciate it, I'm not sure that is an option but would be helpful - I have anons off so that helps a bit but I have no idea about the messages)

He is aware of the hate I am constantly getting. Hes very good about trying to make me feel better and distracting me until I'm not feeling so upset/triggered about it. We both agree its best he not say anything about it publically because were positive it will give them even more reason to spam me with hate, so he just cuddles me and offers up distractions when I am down about it. Reminds me he cares and it'll get better eventually. As for the breakdown, he was a bit taken aback, understandably, but very supportive. He didnt really know what to say other than that hes happy I have something keeping me going and hes here and will support me in anything I want to try and purse in the future if it will make me feel like I have more to life for/bring me more joy/etc.

the phone thing was in reference to the fact that I use my phone for nearly everything, especially social media. Thank goodness my number hasnt been leaked. The having someone look at the message for me is a good idea. I get some that are very sweet and I dont want to ignore and delete thinking its hate. I might have to just step away all together, altough I am fighting having to as I do enjoy using tumblr and other sites from time to time, plus it allows me a place to share my art and supprt my artist friends who also use social media in the same way. Its no longer a necessity for my job though, so I might have to take your advice and step back for a while.

thank you very much

Much of what you asked has alread been answered in previous replies in this post, I enjoy these sites for various reasons and until very recently, they were an essentail part of my job, I think that is why stepping away is so hard, habbit. But to address the rest... like thing with my S/O about him being all I have keeping me going, I hate it to be honest but I'm struggling to find other things on top of my relationship to bring some joy and stuff back in my life. For me, admitting he's the only thing keeping me alive is a big step. I struggle with admitting certain things to myself that I need to in order to keep my mental health in check.

I know realistically that I need to find things to make my life mine again, I think I'm my own worst enemy on this point. Depression and anxiety makes it hard for me to be motivated to find new things to enjoy. Ive recently moved states and want to try and make friends but Im so scared, and I honestly dont even know how to make friends as an adult. I'm scared to try new things because I'm conviced I'll be terrible at them and if I finally do try something new, if I get anxious at all doing it for any reason, I wont want to go back to it because I'll be anxious about getting anxious if that makes sense.

I think what I have learned from everyone here (thank you all) is that I need to work on the issues keeping me so attached to these accounts, and possibly consider deleting them even only temporarily. And I need to work on battling my anxieties about putting myself out there again and going away from this bubble I am currently in and try to find ways to make myself happy and not rely on my relationship for that, which I hate and think is unfair to my partner to begin with.