loss of my beautiful daughter

Well today is another day of toture it seems. I go to bed at night and ask god to please take my life so i can once again be with my precious baby but never fails i awake again in the morning with another heart breaking day to live.My baby girl was just 16 months and 1 day old when god took her from us. I am so agry with god and have asked many times as to why? Why would you take a healthy happy precious baby when in all the world of children that are being abused and neglected that you would dare to take mine.I have no answers nor does god and i don't think i will ever understand why or how.But each day i wake up and think that there are no bottles to fill no diapers to change no toys to pick up and no precious baby girl to share my love and heart with.How can you lead a life when the most precious thing in your life just disappears.?My world has come to a stand still. My body feels as though it is completely shutting down.What is this life. Why must i go on?The one thing that meant the world to me is gone poof gone.

i am really having a major meltdown and i dont know what to do..i am losing it..

Hey msft1230:
Don't worry. Hang in there. I am here for you. Just pm me and I will listen to your heart. Don't dispear, I was just like you after losing my family members six weeks apart. I was
beside myself with anger at God too. If he such a "miracle"
worker, how come he didn't make my brother well again?
Why did my mother go over the ledge and not even say good-bye? I never got a chance to tell her " I loved her". ONe day I got the call that said she was dead.
I will be your shoulder to cry on, lean on, and a shield for your fears and your anger. Don't go over the edge....we can help you.
Take care and pm me soon.

((((((((((((( msft1230 )))))))))))))

With gentle hugs I reach out to you with understanding and a strong shoulder should you need it. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your angel Emmily from this earth.

Answers and acceptance will not come easily. Please be gentle with yourself through your time of grieving. I see from your webpage a beautiful child with an engaging smile....one she is giving just to you, her beloved mother. For she loves you forever and will always be with you...in your heart, in your soul and in your mind....smiling....happy....playful....just for her mommy.

You are in my prayers and I'm sending you strength, peace and understanding......please take good care of YOU!

*Gentle Hugs*
sabby

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sabau2 said:
((((((((((((( msft1230 )))))))))))))

For she loves you forever and will always be with you...in your heart, in your soul and in your mind....smiling....happy....playful....just for her mommy.

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Yes.

Well here i sit another day of guilt anger and being depressed. when does it stop when does it subside even? I have no answers and get no answers why me why anyone for that matter i hate dealing with this alone i know that i'm not but in my heart it feels i am.i wake up and hate my life all over again and no where or one to turn to.yesterday i had what seemed to me a major meltdown i couldnt eat sleep or anything and all i did was cry i felt as though my heart was pounding so hard out of my chest that this must be it the end for all i know.and i was have to say happy. i want so much to be with my precious baby girl i am so lost and alone without her.tomor i go to my counsler and again i dont know what to say or do.i really wish there was a support group i could actually go to and actually talk to people in person but there's not. I even had a thought in my head well maybe i should start one. But how would i do that when i cant even bring myself to help my own life.I have always been a pick hearted wanted to help every and anyone with their problems but now i have the biggest problem i could ever deal with on my shoulders.well thats my thoughts for now..thank you everyone for listening and being my new friend.its nice to have people to talk to even if it is on here.going back into my little shell of a life.

((( hugs to you )))

You have touched a lot of our hearts. I wish there was more I could do.

This organization might be able to help you locate a group.

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/

this was writtin today to me from my bestest friend and godmother to my daughter

I am really sorry I cannot be with you today. I wish I could help you more, but its too hard for me to get away, and we have no money right now either. Just remember her smiles, her hands reaching for you always.. She loved you unconditionally and she is with you and watching yo now. That baby knows you are hurting and I know in my heart she is trying to wipe away your tears and get you to hear her voice, her laughter, like my mom says, keep her living in your heart and you have to help her even now, she needs to know you are ok. I love you with all my heart, you should know by now, I will never leave you . You can try, you can run, you can hide , you can seek out others, but in the end, I am always waiting for you. I miss you so much too. Be safe, and if it helps to cry.. then cry.. while you hold emmy's things, just remember She is with you babe.. I love you my sunshine.. call me if you need me to talk to you while you are moving stuff around, or just need to talk. I am home.. until 3pm when I go get jeffrey. I love you. laters my sunshine.

I can see she is a treasured friend. You are both very lucky to have each other. She has a lot of wisdom in her heart, too.

I am so sorry. When I´ve been in my darkest moments I just think "this will pass", even the "I wish I was dead"-thouthts. It does pass eventually, you do not really know how, but one morning you wake up and feel semi ok. It is some sort of survival mode. When you go through huge emotions it is good to pick up books about the subject and talk a lot to others about it. It is like you need a new vocabulary to handle emotions that big, and need new words from others. I hope you get over this in one piece and hopefully have the courage to get a new child - a little sister or brother ...

well another day and today i go to see T let her know i have found a group and joined.
its nice to have people that are in or have been in the same place as me. although i still feel so alone and isolated from friends and family i seem to want to try and at least talk a little more than i did a few months ago.i just wish that the pain would ease itself enough for me to want to function every day.
It still always seems to bring me to the fact that i wish i was with my daughter i wish he would have taken me not her.she didnt get that chance to live her life i have.

Well i am back home. Had for the first time a pretty good visit with "T"
I brought up something i wanted to know about.I have always been a very strong person always willing to help and do what i can for others.Then my tragedy hit and i lost the most precious thing in my life{EMMILY} and i thought this is the end there will be no more going on in life without her,.I got to looking around the town we live in and there are so many people whom have lost not only a child but maybe a loved one.I thought how alone they must feel. Only seeing your T once or twivce a week is not that big of a deal.People need to have love and maybe a hug a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to in the mist of the day.So i told her i wanted to start a group volenteer and help others that are in the same place as me or has been there and has noone to lean on.I want Emmily's life to go on her spirit to motivate people.she did it when she was here on earth and i know she can do it in the heavens with mommy's help.So i want to be that person to help someone feel a little better to let them know they are not alone and they can talk about it and be as strong as i want to be.And i know by helping others will not only make me the strong person that i strive to be again but to help others be strong and know that they too can live again and be strong for others so that one day when my time is done this will carry on for ever and everyones life will make a mark on someone and make them stronger.your still gonna cry,hurt nothing will ever take that void away but it will help guide you and make you a stronger person to want to carry on the life of your mother father daughter son ect.their spirits will always be alive.So i vow to do this with my time in wanting to help others personally that are in a tragedy and need that shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.maybe thats why i am still here maybe thats what God's plan is for me to make people better and feel a little comfort in their lives.I am far from saying it will all subside because it wont. But maybe just to take a little weight off their shoulders will make not only me stronger but them and let our loved ones we have lost live on in our heart minds and other peoples hearts.

I am do sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. She was an angel sent from heaven. I know words will not take away what you are feeling, but just know we are all here for you and will hold your hand through all this. I think starting a group would be great, it will help you and so many other people. I have this letter to share with you, I know it isn't quiet the same as your precious little girl, but I hope it brings you some comfort in knowing where ((Emmily)) is right now.

Sally walked out of the Children's Hospital for the last time now
after
spending most of the last 6 months there. She sat the bag with
Jimmy's
things in it on the seat beside of her in the car. The drive home
was
hard and it was even harder to go into an empty house. She took the
bag to
Jimmy's room and started placing the model cars and things back in
his room
exactly where he always kept them.

She laid down across his bed and cried herself to sleep holding his
pillow. Sally woke up about midnight and laying beside of her on the
bed,
was a
letter folded up. She opened the letter, it said:

Dear Mom, I know your going to miss me, but don't think that I will
ever
forget you or stop loving you because I'm not around to say I LOVE
YOU.
I'll think of you every day mom and I'll love you even more each day.

Some day we will see each other again. If you want to adopt a little
boy so
you won't be so lonely, he can have my room and my old stuff to play
with.
If you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the
same
things as us boys do, so you will have to buy her dolls and stuff
girls
like.

Don't be sad when you think about me, this is really a great place.
Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around

some, but it will take a long time to see everything here. The
angels are
so
friendly, I love to watch them fly. Jesus doesn't look like any of
the
pictures I
saw of Him, but I knew it was Him as soon as I saw Him. Jesus took
me to
see GOD! And guess what mom?

I got to sit on GOD'S knee and talk to Him like I was somebody
important. I told GOD that I wanted to write you a letter and tell
you
Good-bye and
everything, but I knew that wasn't allowed. God handed me some paper

and His own personal pen to write you this letter with. I think
Gabriel is
the name of the angel that is going to drop this letter off to you.
God
said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked
Him
about. Where was He when I needed him? God said, "The same place He
was
when
Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all

His children. Oh, by the way Mom, nobody else can see what is
written on
this paper but you. To everyone else, it looks like a blank piece of
paper.
I have to give God His pen back now, he has some more names to write
in
the Book Of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for
Supper.
I'm sure the food will be great.

I almost forgot to let you know - Now I don't hurt anymore, the
cancer is
all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and
God
couldn't stand to see me suffer the pain
either, so He sent The Angel of Mercy to get me. The Angel said I
was
Special
Delivery!

Signed with love from,
God & Jesus & Me

that was so beautiful thank you so much i know i have major hills to go over but in time i know the pain will ease.i mis her more than i thought i ever could but i will carry her and her life with me for infinity

(((msft))) Words cannot convey my sympathy. There is no answer, but God does know why. How could such a small, young person have finished her job on earth so soon? She came for you, surely, you have felt her love. Few ppl understand such a love without experiencing it. I don't know why the loss has to be felt so deeply also, but it does. Try and find the purpose for her short life...and carry it onward.

Allow yourself to continue to grieve when you need to. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's ok.
No energy is ever destroyed, and I believe she has a new form of her energy. You don't need to go to be with her to feel her new presence. (((((((hugs))))) Take care of yourself, mommy, she wants you to live and be happy.

http://emmilysmemorial.legacy.com/lmw/Homepage.aspx

What a beautiful site.

BB

thank you so very much

(((((((((((( msft1230 ))))))))))))))

i am so sorry. i just noticed this post. my prayers are with you all. please keep faith though these times could not be tougher. there is a reason for everything and as humans it is so hard to see sometimes but have faith...

(((MSFT)))

So so sorry for your loss, praying for you and your family.

thank you so very much for being a friend who cares

What a gloomy day in Port Hoep Michigan cold and rainy Just poppin by to say hello to all my friends here at PC. hOPE YO ALL HAVE A GREAT DAY.

I am so sorry for your pain and your loss, The site is beautiful and brought a tear or two!

Sending you soothing and comforting thoughts.

I'm so sorry to read about your daughter. Someone here mentioned Compassionate Friends. They offer in-person support groups for families of children who have died. Here are the groups in Michigan:

http://www.compassionatefriends.com/...apter_page.htm

Campy

WOW I JUST GOT BACK ON AND I WAS SUPRIZED TO FIND NOONE MISSED ME JUST AS I KINDA FIGURED SO WHY WOULD IT BE SO HARD TO JUST GIVE UP TO ME IT SEEMS MIGHTY EASY RIGHT NOW.