[Mysocalledlifehere]

So i just tried to get some help on chat n got demined (sp) . im having an issue with fantasizing about being sexually abused again over 35 years after, when i masturbate. i do not want to do this to anyone else nor did i emotionally enjoy being abused. it felt good physically, but i hated every minute of it. why am i reliving it n getting aroused by memories??? Am i sick? Whats wrong with me?

[Mysocalledlifehere]

I just did it again and I feel so ashamed. I did just call to try to get an appointment with a therapist. I have to wait for a call back. I'm so scared but can't keep doing this. Please someone tell me I'm not crazy or sick!

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Mysocalledlifehere.

Wow. You've been through much, too much. I cannot address what you are feeling at present, but I have read others' posts that roughly approximate what you are describing.

I understand you have been in formal care. My impression is your depression and/or bipolar is inextricably bound up with the abuse you have experienced.

While waiting for expert help, do you have any self-care techniques that have worked for you in the past?

Please make yourself at home here. (I notice you have found the Survivors of Abuse Forum.)

I agree with Rohag.

It sounds like you've been through a lot. From what you're describing, it doesn't sound like there's anything "Wrong" with you. I am glad you called a therapist to inquire about getting help.

[Mysocalledlifehere]

Ty for your responses. I wish I could get in sooner. I have to wait 3 weeks. I want to stop all this crazy thinking! I am hypersexual lately and don't know how to stop

I'm glad you got in to see someone. 3 weeks sounds like its not ideal for you, but hey, at least its not 3 months. Keep posting.