[inkblot]

Can't very well say undead--I'm not a vampire. Still feel that I have no good life. Everything is just so bad. I'd love to just curl up in a corner somewhere and die. I'm not suicidal, but that's what I'd like to happen with all of these problems. I know that if all this continues and/or gets worse, it could get to that point. But so far, it's, I don't know, maybe something like a metaphor???? I'm not good with words right now. An expression, maybe??

I've been moving out of my apartment. It's going slow, or more like I am. I should be out tonight, but I won't. I have more things still inside to move out. I just want to end life where it is rather than to continue with it and moving and everything else. I want to begin a new life, and a much better one than I have now. I have no place to go once I'm all moved out. My guinea pig and I will live in the car, maybe. I'll stay in a tent if I can find a really cheap campground nearby. I don't know what to do with her, though, if it's really hot out and I need to go someplace. I can't leave her in the car to have heatstroke. My ex is allergic to her. I don't know many people either. I don't have air condidtioning now, but there has been a nice breeze usually with the windows open in the apartment.

I'm afraid that what if I get too stressed by everything and I get more of a PTSD thing going on? I'm afraid that things could get bad with me, my kids, and my kids T--that I might try avoiding them, or getting seriously stressed if I am around them. I like my kids T. I don't want to be angry with him when I don't need to be. I wouldn't be able to control it, though, if it did happen. He was involved in a situation with us once and I never understood why some things happened. Now I react to it a little and fear it could get worse to want to avoid him and my kids. I'm getting afraid of the emotions from these things, and with all the other stress in my life it seems to be happening more.

I just drove a half hour for 50 minutes of internet time to come here, and check email too. The BIG reason was to come here to the forums. I am sooooo going to miss you all when the library closes. I want to talk to someone, and I don't. I wish I had my T. DocJohn needs a new emoticon--one for crying. I could easily do that today.

[(JD)]

(((inky)))) won't they even have a coffee shop open up with internet?

You could look up pet rescue for guinea pigs... and maybe they would be able to take 'em in for a while for you?

I have been in your place... and could be again very soon. The idea of getting rid of all the hassle and "just" living in a tent or camper etc is part and parcel of my PTSD (my T insists)... and the "running away" at my age even! part of it too... life is too difficult (yet there'snothing easy about camping and foraging for food lol!)

stay in touch.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Please talk to your case worker. I cannot imagine that any case worker would let this happen. Isn't there a shelter available in some town? I'm so sorry you are going thru this Inky!

((((Inky))))

Em

"Compassion is my religion" - The Dalai Lama

[inkblot]

Don't have a caseworker right now. Have to go, place is closed now.

[inkblot]

The overnight shelters are closed for the season. Their main offices are open during the day for certain things (food pantry, appointments, clothing, etc), but that's all. The actual overnight sleeping shelters are only open from October through April at various area churches. Each church working with this program does it once a week on an assigned day. They all sort of take turns. I've been through this before. I was PTSDing really bad just before it happened last time. That's when the PTSD really hit (pardon the expression) and I reacted to my ex-husband. After things started to get better is when I finally left my apartment and became homeless. It was during the overnight shelter season, so I had a place to go for the night. I can't go back to the same shelters I was at before because I have been living ONE MILE out of their district. The other office is actually a lot farther from where I'm at now than the one I used to go to. I'm checking prices at area fitness centers so I can shower every day, and maybe even get some exercise. Trying to find a cheap campground nearby, but in this area almost nothing is cheap. Not much for camping either.

[Fuzzybear]

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