I am ok

I am ok. But the urges to self injure won't fade.

I am ok. But I still find myself wanting to take walks on the highway.

I am ok. But I still can't cope.

Is this ever gonna change? I'm defeated and it ****ing sucks.

I'm still waiting for that change in me. I'm stuck between continuing my life or ending it. I try to hold on to hope that things will get better. That's the only thing keeping me going right now.

((((((( whisperingskye )))))

Long term therapy with a caring and experienced therapist (these can be rare over here ) is likely to help with this sort of thing. Whether that is obtainable is a different matter entirely..

Why do I still want to die?

I wish I knew the answer myself. I think it's because depression tells us lies about ourselves. It tells us that we're terrible people and doomed to be that way for the rest of our lives. It makes is think that we should die because there's no hope left for us.

I mean I think we know it's a lie but we believe it because our brains are sick and tricked into thinking it's true. I want to die everyday, hell I want to die even as I type this response.

Yes depression is definitely a massive liar, so easy to fall into the trap and believe everything it makes us think/feel though. I think it's just been my companion for so many years now it's especially hard to break free from it. To change the way I see things, how I react to things, how I cope, it just seems impossible.

I have no answers, if I did I'd share.

I know my own experience currently has left me beyond hopeless. Not for others but for myself. Different perspectives from observing the battle field from afar to being right in the thick of it; it's very nerve wracking. I do have hope for you and still believe there has to be an answer for you out there.

Regardless of anything, I'm here for you whenever you need me.

Perhaps everyone's depression and SI is different but for me SI is a type of lie. Rather than facing up to something, it becomes easier to distract yourself with the thought of killing yourself. Sometimes what you are distracting yourself from is emotions below the surface that you do not want to deal with. These emotions cause a lot of confusion and strange things to happen. I am not experiencing any SI right now--only remembering what caused mine in the past just in case my experience might help someone with a similiar type of SI....

I hope you figure out why you constantly want to die Whisperingskye. It is not normal. Keep posting about it. Keep looking for help. You are a really sweet person--we don't want to lose you!!!!