I'm not ok

Thank you for the kind words. They mean so much. Yes, I am conscientious but I also came to this site for support and became invested in the wonderful people here and really care about their (including your) wellbeing.

You hit the nail on the head. I have unrealistic expectations and am very hard on myself. I'm working on that in therapy.

I am feeling better. Thank you for your support.

Jennifer, you were the first person who replied me here. You welcomed me here. And I felt really good. I believe that even if you play a positive role in a single person's life, you are nowhere near useless or unwanted. Even if that role is bringing a smile to someone's face Its often that we don't realize but sometimes we are really important to someone. Or even if we are not, we still play roles, important ones, that others may not appreciate because people can be too blind to see. That doesn't change the fact that we matter. Think about the things you have done for others. They may or may not be thankful but you did them good. You matter. You have a place, a soul, a mind. You are someone.

If your friend truly meant to be judgemental and critical, this person is profoundly ignorant of the reality of clinical depression. Unfortunately, a lot of people are. It's the last thing you need to hear.

I have a sister who's a good person, but doesn't "get" depression. She tells me, "I think you just dwell on things too much." I know now to never call her, if I'm having an episode of depression. I'll only end up feeling worse.

You exist because it's right that you should. You belong here. You've encouraged me. Your understanding is needed in this world.

It's ok to not be 'ok'.
You are one of the most kind and supportive people on this site, always there for everyone else. Let us be there for you too.

(((hugs)))

It's not a good idea to 'second guess' what other people mean. Like Jim Morrison said ' People are strange'. I went on a walking tour in London yesterday with a group of mostly strangers. We were queueing to get into a building by a white wall that had a single piece of graffiti that said 'BILLY BOYS'. Out of nowhere this woman, who I had never met before said in an admonishing tone 'DID YOU DO THAT, your name's billy isn't it.'.....' Er no and no. why on earth would I do that.'
It took a while to process this but either it was her idea of humour or she was just strange. Still not sure what it was but after a while I knew she was decidedly odd. Her and the walk organiser spent so much time together that I thought that they were an 'item'. They made a 'similarly' odd couple. He is distinctly odd but in a likeable way.
There were enough nice people though amongst the group to make it an enjoyable day. Like I said people are strange. Hope you are having a great weekend.

(((Ptangptang))) sorry to get off topic here, but i think your odd woman was flirting with you. At least, thats how i would have done it - well, fifty years ago.

Its never too late to have a second childhood

(((Jennifer)))

True, that.

Haha, yeah I can imagine that. Also when he looked a bit puzzled you'd kick him in the b##ls and while he was writhing on the floor you'd say ' jerk, I was chatting you up. Now do you wanna go out or not'.
Maybe i'll take it as a backhanded compliment. I guess I dress a bit like a slacker (baseball cap, hoodie, jeans, trainers) and not as a venerable man in my 60's. Maybe I should take up graffiti. I could become the next Banksy ( saw one of his in London on sat.) Peace out man.