[Fuzzybear]

Do these exist

I'm "allergic" to doctors. I don't trust them. They scare me and hurt me so many times,

I have Major Depression.

I can't move on from this Depression without help from doctors. But their help has made me worse

Around here several university hospitals have a psychiatry department with "sub-departments" that each specialize in something different, such as depression.

[Rohag]

I think you are asking the right question, and Breadfish is certainly on the right track. Based on your set of conditions and experiences - insofar as I understand them, only experienced specialists have any chance of offering you substantive help. "First responders" (GPs, general therapists, etc.) are not for you.

My opinion only...

[Carmina]

Have you tried third sector organisations like Mind? I had a brilliant art therapist through Mind who helped me through a major depression several years ago. Personally I do not want to see a psychiatrist and am not a fan, and mainstream services seem either geared up just for a GP led meds based approach or at best, IAPT, which tends to be pretty low level (going through all that myself right now).