[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by WishIWereAStone

I completely understand what you mean, I do it almost everyday.

Sorry to you and Nikon for feeling close to that.

[Sunflower123]

Been feeling worse and worse as the day has gone on. I feel like a total waste of space. I’m just not any good at life.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

How come, Jen? You seem capable and confident.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

How come, Jen? You seem capable and confident.

Not really sure. I feel the opposite of that right now.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Was there any trigger that you can think of?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Purple,Violet,Blue

Was there any trigger that you can think of?

I think it must be because my pdoc has reduced my Wellbutrin. I see him Wednesday but I think I’m going to go back up until then because I am miserable right now.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Yeah, there's no point in suffering if it will help. Aah I'm sorry. Let me know if you need to talk.

Some busyness at work today. But it's Friday and it seems like it's a kind of day to not take things seriously as much as in other days of the week. One thing that happened that was a nice surprise was that the cleaning lady at work took out the trash in my room. She had not done it for a good while. I thought that she was really angry with me and decided not to take out the trash just to "show me". She apologized and said that she had so much going on. We had some good laughs. It would have been more so if she could understand English.

My friend is not giving up on me. He sent me some messages to me saying how hurt he was with the peanut butter cups incident at my place last Wednesday. I understood how he felt. I was not in a good mood when I got home from work. On the other hand, he has hurt me so many times that I've had to forgive him so many times. I've gotten to the point that I'm just tired of it and it's getting worse as time goes on.

I can’t be too long in my thoughts or else the negativity creeps in. Music and TV helps but I know it won’t solve my problems.

[nikon]

I'm feeling very down today. I watched violent videos last night which is not good behaviour for me. had bad dreams that I had smashed all the windows in my room and was lying there wanting to sleep forever, and other bad dreams, and woke up in the same kind of mood. I'm going to try to meditate, get college work done and just get through the day.

[katydid777]

My husband, and brother got drunk last night, si I went to bed at 7 pm. I couldn't even watch tv in our room bc it wasn't working bc my husband was playing his electric getter on the porch, and it affected the satalight, and the front porch is right out our bedroom window, so I wouldn't hear the tv anyway. This morning I am just blah. My husband doesn't feel good, he went back to bed. It serves him right. I guess I am just having trouble being here. I feel like I am just a glorified care taker, and house keeper. Every time I turn around, or say something I am getting snapped at, or put down.

It's Saturday morning and I should be happy. I did not sleep well last night because of my stupid neighbors downstairs were talking very loud. I feel more energetic than I thought I would. It's very early in the day yet, so anything can happen.

Going to see the new Thor movie this afternoon with my boyfriend and my brother. Looking forward to another well made Marvel film, and the salted pretzel bites that I always buy. We may go out for dinner as well afterwards, not sure yet.

[Deilla]

I feel Okay today. I had a good morning looking at funny photos from Ellen and SNL. Then I made myself sausage biscuits for breakfast. Not sure what I'm going to do now. Feeling maybe a little stressed too cause I have to figure something out.

[Patagonia]

Trying not to feel anything today. Wanto b a drone.
Thinking about everyone here....(((hugs))))

[Rose76]

katydid's post was something I could relate to. I am a caretaker and housekeeper for a man I've loved for a long time. He used to drink heavily. I got snapped at an hour ago, and it gets demoralizing. It does seem like it's everytime I turn around. Two weeks ago, he called me an effin a--hole and a jerk.

He's a person who utterly takes for granted any blessing that comes into his life - like having me around. If our circumstances were reversed, I don't think he'ld do all this for me.

I tell myself that the next time he winds up in the hospital, I just won't take him home. His adult kids and the VA can do whatever they like with him. I'm not much valued or appreciated. I keep falling into depression. His kids think I'm foolish for keeping myself in this situation.

I am neglecting my own welfare. I just hang around this man, waiting to see what he needs next. It's a stupid way to live. After we'ld been dating for a while, many years ago, his drinking got worse and he ended up homeless. I suppose he stayed latched on to me as though I were one of those flotation devices they throw out to drowning victims. It got him off the street.

It's not like I hadn't had other offers. It's not like no one else would have me. Now I don't even care about being in a relationship. I wish my time were my own to do what I like and go where I like when I like. I think about getting a little dog for companionship. The dog would think better of me than he does.

I pretty much ruined my life. Maybe I could salvage a little if it for me.

Originally Posted by Rose76

katydid's post was something I could relate to. I am a caretaker and housekeeper for a man I've loved for a long time. He used to drink heavily. I got snapped at an hour ago, and it gets demoralizing. It does seem like it's everytime I turn around. Two weeks ago, he called me an effin a--hole and a jerk.

He's a person who utterly takes for granted any blessing that comes into his life - like having me around. If our circumstances were reversed, I don't think he'ld do all this for me.

I tell myself that the next time he winds up in the hospital, I just won't take him home. His adult kids and the VA can do whatever they like with him. I'm not much valued or appreciated. I keep falling into depression. His kids think I'm foolish for keeping myself in this situation.

I am neglecting my own welfare. I just hang around this man, waiting to see what he needs next. It's a stupid way to live. After we'ld been dating for a while, many years ago, his drinking got worse and he ended up homeless. I suppose he stayed latched on to me as though I were one of those flotation devices they throw out to drowning victims. It got him off the street.

It's not like I hadn't had other offers. It's not like no one else would have me. Now I don't even care about being in a relationship. I wish my time were my own to do what I like and go where I like when I like. I think about getting a little dog for companionship. The dog would think better of me than he does.

I pretty much ruined my life. Maybe I could salvage a little if it for me.

My goodness Rose, I'm so sorry. I know that I could be very swift in saying to just leave him behind and let his children, or whomever, take care of him. Caretaking can be very difficult. Sometimes you just have to bear it and be understanding. But then there's only so much you can take and then it's a wonder if it's really worth it.

In a way I'm kind of going through the same thing. I'm not caretaking but I have a friend who is up there in age. Lately I have been very tired of him. He's able to do things for himself and has a wife and some friends. As of now, he's still hoping that I will come around and be friends with him. I really would rather not, but a part of me wants to because it's either him or being totally alone.

I don't know if I've been of any help to you. Best to you!

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Rose76

katydid's post was something I could relate to. I am a caretaker and housekeeper for a man I've loved for a long time. He used to drink heavily. I got snapped at an hour ago, and it gets demoralizing. It does seem like it's everytime I turn around. Two weeks ago, he called me an effin a--hole and a jerk.

He's a person who utterly takes for granted any blessing that comes into his life - like having me around. If our circumstances were reversed, I don't think he'ld do all this for me.

I tell myself that the next time he winds up in the hospital, I just won't take him home. His adult kids and the VA can do whatever they like with him. I'm not much valued or appreciated. I keep falling into depression. His kids think I'm foolish for keeping myself in this situation.

I am neglecting my own welfare. I just hang around this man, waiting to see what he needs next. It's a stupid way to live. After we'ld been dating for a while, many years ago, his drinking got worse and he ended up homeless. I suppose he stayed latched on to me as though I were one of those flotation devices they throw out to drowning victims. It got him off the street.

It's not like I hadn't had other offers. It's not like no one else would have me. Now I don't even care about being in a relationship. I wish my time were my own to do what I like and go where I like when I like. I think about getting a little dog for companionship. The dog would think better of me than he does.

I pretty much ruined my life. Maybe I could salvage a little if it for me.

You can only do so much, Rose.

Feeling dumb and angry today. Some days I can laugh in the face of failure, and keep trying, defiantly. Other days I feel stupid for it all, for going after the life I want, or striking up conversations with others, or making plans as if I'll follow through with them. None of it ever turns out the way I want it. But for some reason, I just keep trying and trying.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry to hear that, Bjornen.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sorry Bjornen (I don’t think of you as any of those negative things, ever )

[Fuzzybear]

Ggrrrrrrrrrr egg shells ggrrrrrrrr

Btw in my opinion, “failure” means little except for a sub optimal personal construct..

(Or possibly a label sub optimal others attempted to apply to someone else to avoid facing their own darkness )



(Not about anyone on pc)

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I agree.

It's about the end of the day and I'm starting to feel very blue. I'm feeling guilty that I let my friend go. I'm just thinking about how sad he must feel right now. I could call him and he would welcome it. But I really don't want to. It's so hard when it's the only friend I had.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Sorry, Will.