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#1
Oct 16, 2017, 01:17 AM
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I've been dreaming about dying a lot lately, like the good old days. I've been trying to find reasons for a change, for happiness, in literature, filmmaking, or virtually anything that indulges me a brief glimpse of beauty as Mekas would say...
Possible trigger:
I feel like less of a person at this very moment. A sack of unbranded cells with a floating set of emotions coming out of nowhere, borrowed feelings, and dust.
__________________
I feel nothing, everything and a million of painful in-betweens. “We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” -J.W. Goethe |
 CepheidVariable, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky, Quarter life, Shazerac, Sunflower123
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#2
Oct 16, 2017, 01:23 AM
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Counseling: Sucks.
Pills: Suck. Feeling bad: Sucks. Feeling good: Sucks. Feeling alive: Sucks. Feeling dead: Sucks. And then, there's an end somewhere.
__________________
I feel nothing, everything and a million of painful in-betweens. “We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” -J.W. Goethe |
| Sunflower123
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#3
Oct 16, 2017, 02:43 AM
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Depression is an insidious relentless dreadful illness, and I know this is simply lip service but these feeling will pass...its the waiting it out that is so very difficult. I strive as best I can to find joy in small things and distract myself with menial tasks like cleaning out the fridge or linen press...even a small feeling of accomplishment can lighten the load a bit sometimes.
Please try to be kind & generous to yourself low point...hugs Q.L
__________________
The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am the storm." 
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| Sunflower123
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#4
Oct 16, 2017, 03:08 AM
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#5
Oct 16, 2017, 06:31 AM
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Maybe you don't want to be "better", but better as you define it...
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#6
Oct 16, 2017, 08:25 AM
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Maybe you could spend some time pinpointing what you mean by "better" Your subconscious definition if better may not be what you want. For example: if you view better as a compliant good little cog in the wheel of the world you probably have a valid reason for not wanting to be "better."
Maybe it would help to sit down and actually map out how you want your life to be...on paper...and define how YOU would be comfortable with being better. A true feeling of being better is what works for you as a human individual.
__________________
 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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 pachyderm
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#7
Oct 16, 2017, 07:27 PM
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Doing life maps and plans only makes feel even more anxious and guilty, for reasons you might understand. I've done a hundred of those. It doesn't work at all because I don't care.
What's the end of purpose if there's no meaning, no love?
__________________
I feel nothing, everything and a million of painful in-betweens. “We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.” -J.W. Goethe |
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#8
Oct 17, 2017, 01:28 AM
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Quote:
I agree with this. Excellent advice. Sending best wishes and big hugs. 
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| Quarter life
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#9
Oct 17, 2017, 07:43 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Now if thou would'st When all have given him o'er From death to life Thou might'st him yet recover -- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631 |
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#10
Oct 17, 2017, 08:34 AM
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__________________
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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