[Purplesept2007]

I have not posted in quite a long time. About 9 months ago we moved to a southern state. This is our dream for retirement. The dream is real but has some twist that were not expected.

First few months were extremely difficult leaving friends and family. Have made some close friends now and really involved in many things.

About 3 weeks ago was my 10 year anniversary of being hospitalized in a pysch ward for about 5 days. For at least 2 weeks it was extremely bad it was as it happen yesterday I could remember every single detail and minute of that day I was admitted. Thoughts crossed my mind during that time frame of course but I did pull. I have made a few key promises to some very very important people in my life that it is no longer a option over the past ten years and I have kept it and will continue to, is it easy absolutely not sometimes. I am sure it is like a alcoholic who wants just one drink.

This I believe has been the most difficult thing down here. Doctors and medicine it is a nightmare. I have a pysch nurse practitioner down here who was giving the brand name of Pristiq but went to the generic because of insurance. He was suppose to fight for medical necessity which he said he did I do not believe he ever tried. Throw that aside the generic basically put me in a tail spin for 2 months. Yes it took two months and 100's of phone calls I am sure they had me flagged oh she is calling again. When I finally saw him again he explained that the generic did not have the same potent effect as the brand name about 15% less no wonder I felt like I did so he increased dose. Now it took another week and half for it to be special order but during those two months I suffer tremendously.

We just switch our primary doctor down here to much closer to were we live. I sense from psych nurse that would not prescribe my Xanax that he had a reason why but I never asked. Rarely do I use it but when I become anxious I do. The primary almost didn't take me so we did some research a law passed about 7 years ago pertaining to pain killers and controlled substances that basically made a doctor go a tremendous amount of hoops in order to prescribe. Also sounds like a patient would have to get periodical urine samples and other things. So they treat you like you have the plague. I now know for future just wished I have the heads up months ago. When I run out which will probably not be anytime soon because of infrequent use. I will need to use something that is not a pain killer or controlled substance. You really have to be an advocate for yourself. Seems like there is no communication between doctors and patient. You have to do a lot of research on your own and be persistent.

Sometimes it feels like a uphill battle that is very hard to get up especially when you are not doing well. Sorry for writing a book but I believe there are a lot of you who probably can relate.

[Shazerac]

It is an uphill battle but you can win! I have herniated disk in my neck and the only thing that takes away the pain is hydrocodone. You'd think I was asking for heroine but I insisted. I do get random urine tests by my doctor. The laws in my state require it for prescribing narcotics. I don't care as long as I get the meds I need.