[James0805]

The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks

[FallDuskTrain]

Please do not underestimate yourself. The concept of competition is odd. No one is better or worse than others. The society sets those crazy rules. Although, I do understand the need for validation from society. I crave for approval like many other.
However, deep down inside I know that this is all nonsense.
May I ask? What is keeping you from moving on? It does not have to be drastic. May be after you get your AA you can work towards management positions in retail. It is a pretty good job.
Do you like your own company? Or do you get bored easily? Got hobbies? These are all important questions to address while drawing in the pit of loneliness and misperceived failure. Some people love their solitude (i am one of them), so I got used to being alone easier. I am alone like you, but for the opposite reason: i moved around a lot.

[cryingontheinside]

Originally Posted by James0805

The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks

You said you have always worked . well that's a big achievement . regardless of what job you have that shows you are a hard worker . I bet your friends and family are proud of you and there's no need to hide from them. Also your making plans to go back to college , that sounds really positive to me .

It's not too late. Since you have a job, I think you're doing pretty well. You could also volunteer or start any interests that you may want to start.

Originally Posted by James0805

The people on this forum are quite nice.

I am 47 and not a success. I am working part time for the holidays as a sales person for Macys. I have only worked low level, minimum wage jobs my whole life. I dropped out of college because I didn't think I could hack it. I don't have a partner, probably cause I fear women. What woman would want a slacker like me? I am going back to junior college for an AA. Still, I am not a success. In society's eyes I am a loser. I hide from friends and family out of embarrassment. They all moved on with their lives, but I've been stuck ever since my late 20's.

If you have anything to say, please be kind. Thanks

Treat your depression fully (medication, therapy). Change your job. Read inspiring books. (I am currently reading The Alchemist.) Dream. Plan. Take a chance.

I have failed miserably as well. It is good that your are acknowleding it/ feeling bad about it (It is good that you do not want to settle on a minimum wage job)--I think this is the first step toward leaving the past behind and moving on.

[splitimage]

I'm sorry that you feel you are not a success. That's hard. But I see a couple of positives in your post. You are working. That's more than I can manage at the moment. I'm on welfare and being helped out by family. I haven't worked in 7 years. And you're back in school to get your AA that shows you have goals for yourself.

If you haven't, I'd talk to a Dr. about treatment for depression because you do sound depressed.

And then I'd explore what hobbies and interests you have or could develop that would add meaning to your life.

Hang in there.

splitimage

[Albatross2008]

Well, first we'd start by defining "success." Who gets to decide that? Society? To heck with what society says you are. They don't get to make that call, because they don't know the inner battles you've gone through. Only you know that. And here you are, with those inner battles, and still standing. Sounds like success to me.

Nobody on this planet, I mean nobody, succeeds all the time at everything. And nobody on this planet, I mean nobody, fails all the time at everything. So you're not in the same place other people are at your age. Big deal. Did those other people face the same obstacles you have faced? Have they climbed the same mountains? What would they do if they were in your shoes, playing the cards you've been dealt? Would they fight as bravely as you have to keep going?

Never judge yourself by what other people can do. You've heard that saying about not judging a fish by its ability to climb a tree, haven't you?

[Teddy Bear]

I don't feel like a success either. I work part-time as a janitor. I'm trying to figure out what would make me feel fulfilled. I hope you find something fulfilling

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Honestly, at this point I am almost all out of "wise words" due to my own situation, but I will tell you this:

Success is what you deem success to be.
A man who stays at home and takes care of his children and cooks n cleans while his wife works and when she comes home enjoys the love they all share for one another - may see himself as successful yet society will look down on him bc he "let's his wife support him", or he may decide to believe society and be miserable even while he has the gift of love from his wife and children and has time to spend with each.

Success, for society, is a pre-defined notion, but even that changes over time. One of the best things my mom ever tried to teach me (took years to learn even after her death) was not to care how others viewed me and just be myself anyway. There is no way you can ever please everyone anyway. So why try? Just be you. Do what makes you happy. If that's going to college, great. If it's sitting at home doing nothing, that's fine too.

To be honest - I am 43. I am on disability. I never had a college degree. In my lifetime I worked as a babysitter, salad bar attendant, CNA, waitress, data entry operator, and a bill collector. Some were minimum wage, some above minimum wage. Some required special training, some did not. None required college. Now - I sit at home n play on my phone, watch TV, play with my dogs or walk on the beach, or take a ride in the car or walk in the park. I am not a success in society's eyes. Not by a long shot. In my eyes - I am. Why? Because I no longer spend a week in the psych hosp every 3 months. I can actually "make ends meet" financially - not everyone working can say that n I get less pay than most of them. I have 2 dogs that make me happy. I live indoors, not outside n not in a shelter. I have a car of my own.

These are things that allow me to say "I have succeeded in life."

Success is what you deem success to be.

[LostIntrovert]

To echo others on this thread -- whose definition of "success" are you using? Success can be deceiving, anyway. I know quite a few people who make six figures but hate their jobs--would you consider them "successful"? There are a lot of things that society says you should want -- marriage, house, kids, higher salary, etc -- but not everyone actually wants them. If you don't, that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.

Like you said, you've always worked, which is significant. And you're going back to college, which means you have motivation to change whatever it is you don't like about your life. That's something you should be proud of.

[Patagonia]

I am 47 too. I am not a "success"...& I have a Master's. Seems like you're basing your success on your education level.
I've never worked an entire yr full time. Usually per diem work, PT, seasonal etc.
I'm just not sure what success is. What do you consider a success?

[FallDuskTrain]

James
You disappeared. I dont know other members but I get worried whenever someone posts a concern and then disappears.
I hope you are ok

[1978dd]

Welcome to the forum, James!

[Spaceystacy1]

I'm 47 also. I have an associates degree in business but I still feel like you feel. I've had my degree since 2008 and I'm still at a job that only requires a high school diploma. I've looked and looked but nobody wants an interview. Good luck!!! Im going to keep trying.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with the others that society defines success in a rigid way. I do have an education (Bachelors, Masters, and CPA) and had a really good management job that I worked hard to get but that does me no good right now. By society’s standards, I am no success. In light of my illness, I’ve had to revise my standards of success and my should statements (those should statements will make you absolutely miserable). When things were so touch and go for me...every day I woke up was a success. Maybe customize your own standards and don’t compare yourself to the should statements you currently hold.

The fact that you are working and going back to college to get your AA is huge. You are not a slacker. I also agree with the others about getting your depression treated if you aren’t already. Sending best wishes and big hugs.

[tinamehl5]

Originally Posted by Spaceystacy1

I'm 47 also. I have an associates degree in business but I still feel like you feel. I've had my degree since 2008 and I'm still at a job that only requires a high school diploma. I've looked and looked but nobody wants an interview. Good luck!!! Im going to keep trying.

I was a technical recruiter, I did lots of hiring. Do you need help with your resume' or interviewing skills? I think that sounds like all it is. How you are presented in a very competitive world. I'll send you some links if you are interested.

[Albatross2008]

I'm 53. According to Vocational Rehabilitation, I am unable to work at a job at all. They've told me twice now that I am unemployable. And they're right, because if I did have a job, I can't guarantee being able to come and work. Heck, I have a volunteer job that's only two days a week, and half the time I can't make it in. If it was a paying job, or anything other than my own church, they'd have already told me by now that they can't use me because I'm absent too much.

Not only that, but there are also many chores around the house that I can't do. I was permanently injured in a car accident.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I'm not without a job; I'm a homemaker. There are those who say that's "not a real job," but they're wrong. The homemaker's job makes life easier for the breadwinner, so he (in this house it's a he) can go out and earn income which supports them both.

But I can't always even do that. Sometimes my husband has to come home from work and do a household chore I wasn't able to do. On high pain days, there's no way I can do heavy jobs like vacuuming and laundry. It makes me feel bad that my husband is playing all of his role, and part of mine too.

Fortunately for me, we're not defined by our disabilities. I can't say my husband doesn't complain, because he does grumble now and then, but he says he's only venting and doesn't expect me to do anything about it. He knows I'm doing the best I can, and that's what matters. If he thought I was just being lazy, THEN we'd have a problem.

And that's what counts. Let's say a rabbit and a giraffe both have to get across the same river. Wouldn't it be a whole lot more challenging for the rabbit? The giraffe can practically walk across in its sleep. The rabbit needs to give it everything it's got, think and plan its strategy, use resources to help it along, and it's going to take longer to get the job done. When the giraffe was on the other side a long time ago, and the rabbit is still hopping from rock to rock, is that the rabbit's fault? Is the rabbit unsuccessful? Heck no. The rabbit's a doggone genius.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Arbie

And that's what counts. Let's say a rabbit and a giraffe both have to get across the same river. Wouldn't it be a whole lot more challenging for the rabbit? The giraffe can practically walk across in its sleep. The rabbit needs to give it everything it's got, think and plan its strategy, use resources to help it along, and it's going to take longer to get the job done. When the giraffe was on the other side a long time ago, and the rabbit is still hopping from rock to rock, is that the rabbit's fault? Is the rabbit unsuccessful? Heck no. The rabbit's a doggone genius.

This is a really good example. Thank you.