[icewavezero]

I deal with depression of feeling alone. Useless. Like I am somehow the only one in the world who feels this.

But obviously that's not true. That can't be. The issue I guess is I am surrounded by people who don't deal with depression and who, while supportive, can't quite get when this is all about.

I believe depression isn't some fallacy. I agree with the idea that depression is just seeing the world how it is. As a survival instinct humans tend to see the world in "rose-colored glasses" and try to focus on the positive. That's because if they didn't, they'd see how things really are and kill themselves.

I'm not going to kill myself, I truly believe there's a way to get past this. Somehow, I guess, I've lost that ability to focus on the positive. And I really just want to know that there's other people out there who see things the same way. I want to know, that in that crazy sense, I'm not fully alone.


I keep trying to get better. I see a therapist for depression regularly. I follow her advice. However I refuse medication because I believe that that's quitting on myself. I think I am strong enough with the encouragement of others to make it past this. That's the biggest reason that I refuse to kill myself. But at the same time I do know that I almost enjoy the idea that maybe someday I'd get hit by a bus. To me depression isn't about the sadness. It's about being tired of being so consistently "sad" or whatever you want to call it. Hell I even see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. I believe that there is a fix to all of this. Sometimes I guess my issue is that I'm not sure I can make it far enough to reach that light. I get so tired.

But I also refuse the idea that everything is great if you just perceive it that way. I understand that the world is a pretty dark place. I just want some agreement that even if it is dark that there has to be something that makes it worth it.



To anybody thinking about suicide, don't do it. Even with how sad and lonely this post may seem, I still know there is some sort of solution. That's why I made the post. If I didn't believe that there was a solution to coping with and handling the depression then I would kill myself right now. The fact that I'm still kicking has to mean something. It means that there's a light. I just haven't figured out how to reach it quite yet.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Icewavezero.

You are not alone.
Our thoughts both overlap and differ. You will find a variety of perspectives here.

Originally Posted by icewavezero

I've lost that ability to focus on the positive.

I've lost the ability to care whether or not positive exists. My primary experience of depression is emptiness.

Originally Posted by icewavezero

I almost enjoy the idea that maybe someday I'd get hit by a bus.

My fantasy doesn't involve a bus, but I can relate.

Originally Posted by icewavezero

I also refuse the idea that everything is great if you just perceive it that way.

Ditto. Positive affirmations have never worked for me.

Please make yourself at home.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. You’re not alone. You’re in good company here...you’ll find encouragement and support. Keep posting.