[Samiam62]

My daughter just suffered loss of boyfriend and job and moved back home. I know that buying stuff on line helps make her feel better. But, with expenses of her not getting out of lease, etc. are extremely high and worried about being able to pay for all of it.

Should I have a conversation about it with her. I understand why she does it - but it is difficult when we may not be able to support the bills she has.

[CepheidVariable]

I'd say yes, have some sort of conversation. Dealing with depression is hard enough. Trying to deal with it while not having sufficient funds for many treatment options is something neither of you really need. Not to mention what will happen to the family dynamic with the added stress of strained finances. Although it may provide some temporary enjoyment, merely buying things isn't a long term way to feel better. It just becomes a bad habit. Like trying to drink problems away, it won't end well as a coping strategy.

The hard part, of course, is having that conversation in a supportive and constructive way. Yes, you want to help and not make her feel worse. But you can't get dragged down too. It helps to understand what a person with depression is thinking and what their needs are -- it's not always intuitive to other people.

A counsellor or therapist (if she's not already seeing one) can help work through this sort of thing. Family counselling can help too. Supporting a family member with depression is hard. You're doing the right thing by researching, reaching out, and asking around. It's a good start.

I see this is your first post to PsychCentral, so I'll also point out that there is a Caregivers and Support People forum on these boards which may useful to you. Feel free to follow up here with any other questions as well. We'll answer the best we can. Welcome and best wishes.

[Samiam62]

Thank you for advice and will have the conversation with her.

Also, appreciate the other resources provided in reply. We live in a very remote area and not a lot of local resources to ask. I'm sure this won't be the last time you hear from me.

Have a wonderful day,

[Samiam62]

Hello again -

I understand that depression can cause a person to want to sleep all day and not get up.

My daughter cannot seem to get out of bed - I understand it is a symptom, but what can I do to help her? She did well last week - even talked about getting a part time job. But, since Sunday, she has been sleeping during the day, but is also up until wee hours on her phone. Not sure if she doesn't want to get up - because she didn't go to bed, or if the depression has her so low, she just doesn't want to face the day. Or both..

I asked if she wanted to talk and she doesn't, but I really don't know what to do.

Thank you again for your help -

[Sunflower123]

It sounds like the depression has knocked her off her feet. All I wanted to do at the height of my depression was sleep. I would sleep for 15+ hours and be up in the middle of the night for the remaining time. Can you get her to a psychiatrist or family doctor to be evaluated and possibly see if antidepressants help? I know it’s hard to watch someone you love struggle.
(((((HUGS)))))