[Matt2230]

Hello people this is a rant a need to get off my chest so i apologize if I'm just rambling from topic to topic please bear with me. I feel like I'm worthless, just an ugly socially anxious nerd whos social life is just slowly dying and circle of friends slowly shrinking. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I act, I hate the way I am, all I think about is avoiding my life and it's problems. I hate how lonely I am despite being too shy and ashamed of myself to go out and try to form a social life. I just feel like I want to dissapear with all of this anxiety and frustration setting in. I hate my job especially the people I work with not that its anything against them they simply see me for the weak link that I am so I get ragged on all day which isn't any different then any other social situation im in. Especially hard when you beg for your work week to be over just to wake up on my day off and realise I don't have a social life anyways so whats the point of even looking forward to my day off. Now i just spend all day smoking weed and playing video games trying to convince myself I'm not excruciatingly bored and lonely. God I am so lonely, last day I had off I ended up feeling this loneliness that i can't describe with words it was so bad. I wish i could shut everything out, i wish i could just supress these feelings but they won't go away. I also wear a hat all the time because my balding has gotten so bad that im gonna have to shave it off soon and just the thought of going out in public bald makes me want to jump off a bridge. My social anxiety has reached an all time high probably in response to my self esteem which is non existant I can't even look people in the eyes when i talk to them I spend hours dwelling on the things I say and do and i can't help but feel like this awkward loser. Just the other day a cute girl who works in the same company as me needed to talk to me about something work related and i got flustered and scared just talking to her ofcourse in front of my co workers who are just laughing at me. I am also afraid to hangout with my friends mostly due to the fact that they want to get me laid but have no idea how terrified i am of women let alone sex which horrifies me just the idea of being naked with anyone let alone a girl makes my stomach turn with anxiety. I feel like a failure, a scared child who can't handle life, i feel like nobody likes me or ever will so i just isolate myself from everyone out of fear of being an embarassment but the loneliness is eating me alive and i wanna just give up on everything.

[Rohag]

Hello, Matt2230.

Who are these "friends" who pressure you to do things that terrify you?

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are having such a tough time. I just want to reach out and give you a big hug. Do you have a therapist to help you process some of this? You deserve better and you seem to be incredibly hard on yourself. Thinking of you.

[Matt2230]

a good friend of mine he doesnt know im nervous about this im too scared to tell anyone how shy i am about this