[WishIWereAStone]

My wife is as depressed as I am and also not getting any counseling, neither of us can afford it. She has been suffering on and off most of her life as well but our shared situation has made her even worse. Her children who cause me so much torment cause her so much sorrow, and heartbreak. She claims she could never get through our current situation without me, that I am her rock. Inside I am screaming to let go, I don't want to be the rock but I have to be or she will sink completely.
She has no idea the depth of sadness, that she has brought so much of it to me. She has no idea that I come here and spill my guts and emotions to complete strangers, she has no idea that I wish for death to take me and sometimes her. Sometimes I think I would be happy and no longer depressed if she were no longer a part of my life, but then I would be alone. I have no friends, and the thought of another woman wanting anything to do with me is unfathomable.
So I stay, to keep her from having no one to there for her to uplift her, to show her that someone cares about her without wanting something in return.
So I stay to not be completely alone, and yet feel so lonely.
Who will break first? Or will we?, can I find a way to happy with her again? Can I find the woman I moved half way across the country for? Can I find her irresistible again? Can she find a way to deal with what her children have become and put us first for a change?
Or will we just continue walking through the sludge, never moving forward and slowly sinking deeper?

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you’re having a tough time. It sounds like this situation is fanning the flames of your depression. I hear you, I care and I support you. I also sympathize. My 20 year marriage was fanning the flames and I had many of the same questions/thoughts that you are having. It’s a difficult position to be in.

Please keep posting. I’m sorry therapy is not an option. You could really benefit from having somebody to process this with or for couples therapy for both of you. I hope you come to a decision that brings you peace and healing.

[WishIWereAStone]

Thank you Jennifer, I appreciate your words of encouragement and understanding, also glad at least someone read this and cared enough to respond. As I said I appreciate you but I don't think I will be posting for a while, it doesn't seem to matter if I do not, so why waste the effort.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm sorry I missed this before, W!

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by WishIWereAStone

Thank you Jennifer, I appreciate your words of encouragement and understanding, also glad at least someone read this and cared enough to respond. As I said I appreciate you but I don't think I will be posting for a while, it doesn't seem to matter if I do not, so why waste the effort.

I understand and I’m sorry you have had that experience. It shows that your post was viewed 87 times. It might have been that these viewers did not know what to say. If you ever need to talk or vent, I’m here.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

I'm very sorry for the predicament you find yourself in.

[Fuzzybear]

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I really did not see this post. If I had, I would have responded. I am sorry Wish. Like I said though - I have been self absorbed too. I apologize. ❤

Ok - so. I am going to break this down piece by piece:

Originally Posted by WishIWereAStone

My wife is as depressed as I am and also not getting any counseling, neither of us can afford it. She has been suffering on and off most of her life as well but our shared situation has made her even worse. Her children who cause me so much torment cause her so much sorrow, and heartbreak. She claims she could never get through our current situation without me, that I am her rock. Inside I am screaming to let go, I don't want to be the rock but I have to be or she will sink completely.

This shows where the breakdown of the family communication and family cooperation as a unit has occurred. A family, is kind of like a "machine" in the way it works. Each member has a "function" and if properly performed by all members - the family is happy, but when one or more members fail at their functions it adds stress to other members .. breaking down the "smooth running" of it. The ones who are misfunctioning don't always notice it bc they are being "carried" by the still functioning members. In this case - everyone has dropped their familial functions except you. So you are feeling the stress.

Originally Posted by WishIWereAStone

She has no idea the depth of sadness, that she has brought so much of it to me. She has no idea that I come here and spill my guts and emotions to complete strangers, she has no idea that I wish for death to take me and sometimes her.

As I said before, you are likely the only one feeling the familial stress (other stressors may be felt by the other members as pertaining to their individual lives - just as you have your own individual stressors as well), but because you are CHOOSING. to not say anything - the malfunctioning of the other members (including your wife) is accepted as "okay" and she nor the children realize everything is about to fall apart - for you and them.

Originally Posted by IWishIWereAStone

Sometimes I think I would be happy and no longer depressed if she were no longer a part of my life, but then I would be alone. I have no friends, and the thought of another woman wanting anything to do with me is unfathomable.
So I stay, to keep her from having no one to there for her to uplift her, to show her that someone cares about her without wanting something in return.
So I stay to not be completely alone, and yet feel so lonely.

This sounds like an effect from the breakdown of communication on both her side and yours. When you are off work - do you have any alone time to just "calm"? That is needed also. We as humans need to share with each other but we also need time to "empty and refresh". You need to make a way to create a balance for those in your life.

Originally Posted by IWishIWereAStone

Who will break first? Or will we?

Nobody can answer those questions. I can tell you - you can control what happens to you, but not to her. You should stop trying to take on that responsibility. ❤

Originally Posted by IWishIWereAStone

can I find a way to happy with her again? Can I find the woman I moved half way across the country for? Can I find her irresistible again?

The only way those things can happen is if both of you are willing to completely open the doors of communication.

Originally Posted by IWishIWereAStone

Can she find a way to deal with what her children have become and put us first for a change?
Or will we just continue walking through the sludge, never moving forward and slowly sinking deeper?

That is something only she can do. You can try to help - but you cannot make her do it. So if after a time you find her resisting everything - it becomes your choice to accept she will never put you first - or leave. You should also make sure she knows this is a concern of yours.

Again sorry I did not see it earlier

[WishIWereAStone]

Thank you all for replying. Crypts, that was very in depth and I appreciate it.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

How are you feeling about things now?