[jman197]

I just can't understand life anymore. I am not suicidal or going to harm myself. I just don't care if I live or die anymore. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. I have reasons to want to live. I have friends and some family members who love and care and support me but they really don't know me. The me that hides on my couch because it's safe and I'm tired of getting hurt every time I care about someone. It's not that I can't be real anymore which I can't. I know some of you will message back saying that I shouldn't give up. It's easy for you to say that. You don't live in my shoes. I have been​ through so much and I'm tired. My life is getting better so some of you might say just hold on but it's not that simple. Why should I wait for my life to fall apart again. My only reason to keep going is a failed attempt that scares me of failing again. That and the fact that I've survived so much so far so there has to be a reason I've kept going. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm too scared to do anything but reminisce about the good times. The times back when I was happy with life and not a mess and holding on to memories and wishes that will never come true. I'm truly sorry for and triggers this may cause and I know people will try and tell me that it's going to be alright but I have been telling myself that since 2013 and all it's caused is pain and misery. Almost five years of pain and misery. So please don't tell me it'll be alright. I just want to vent and let everything to come out finally. I'm not sure what to do but I know that I don't care anymore.

[LizzieBee]

Originally Posted by jman197

I just can't understand life anymore. I am not suicidal or going to harm myself. I just don't care if I live or die anymore. I know that sounds bad but it's the truth. I have reasons to want to live. I have friends and some family members who love and care and support me but they really don't know me. The me that hides on my couch because it's safe and I'm tired of getting hurt every time I care about someone. It's not that I can't be real anymore which I can't. I know some of you will message back saying that I shouldn't give up. It's easy for you to say that. You don't live in my shoes. I have been​ through so much and I'm tired. My life is getting better so some of you might say just hold on but it's not that simple. Why should I wait for my life to fall apart again. My only reason to keep going is a failed attempt that scares me of failing again. That and the fact that I've survived so much so far so there has to be a reason I've kept going. But it doesn't matter anymore. I'm too scared to do anything but reminisce about the good times. The times back when I was happy with life and not a mess and holding on to memories and wishes that will never come true. I'm truly sorry for and triggers this may cause and I know people will try and tell me that it's going to be alright but I have been telling myself that since 2013 and all it's caused is pain and misery. Almost five years of pain and misery. So please don't tell me it'll be alright. I just want to vent and let everything to come out finally. I'm not sure what to do but I know that I don't care anymore.

I’m not going to tell you that it’s all going to be okay, I’m not going to tell you that things will get better, I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t give up... because ultimately you know what you know and you will listen to what you want to hear

But you can message me and I’ll reply, if you need to say something and just know someone is out there, not judging or arguing, just listening, I’m here

I don’t know how you feel, no one does. And that’s okay.. but whatever you are feeling so many people can at least relate. You think you’ve tried everything to help yourself be happy, but I can guarantee you haven’t. You need to think.. do you really want to be happy?? Is that your goal? Your dream? Because if so, you need to do every thing possible to make it happen, I know you probably don’t have the motivation or the emotional strength to try more but it’s rather give it a go and have a chance of happiness or give up.. and you don’t know what the afterlife holds.. it could be a lot worse than this .. no one actually knows do they..

. You know that **** will hit the fan again but that’s bound to happen.. it happens with everyone.. some more than others.. but if you really, truly want to be happy.. we’re all here to help.. you won’t have tried everything yet

What I can say is that I've been there and felt that way. Please vent here as much as you need. I'm listening.

[Nike007]

I'm not going to say things will get better, as I'm at the point where everyone tells me things will get better, but I've been going in and out of depression for years now and medication hasn't done much for me for a long period of time, so I don't know when or if it will get better.

I can say that if you don't do something, you'll never know what will happen. Yes, people whom you previously cared about may have gotten you hurt in some way, but that doesn't mean that it will happen again. It's like saying if you flip a coin - heads on one side and tails on the other - and you got heads 99 times in a row, does that mean that you'll get another heads? No; you can get tails still. The possibility is still there.

I know life is tiring. I feel the same way as you at the moment. What I said above was the logical side of me. I don't feel that way at the moment either.

[MatBell]

I know how it is not really caring what happens

[KYWoman]

Who knows it, feels it! I feel your pain and I surrender frequently. I do not fear death. I just do not understand why GOD is keeping me here. Even the strongest soldiers fall down. Warriors keep getting back up....even if it takes us a bit longer. I'm tired of being knocked down and kicked when I'm on the ground. Never, in all my decades, did I expect to be broken down like a train wreck waiting for the grave yard. I'm grateful you posted.

[birchtree319]

No one can completely understand the struggles another faces but I can say I have frequently hit the point where I no longer have a reason to keep going. Life throws us all challenges and I wish I could say I know how to face them but I keep trying. Vent here and at least we can share the struggle.

[Fuzzybear]