[Mockingbirds531]

I have two issues; I seem to have lost enjoyment for everything and can't love anyone.

When I was a kid, it was extremely easy to appreciate simple things, and each day had something fun for me. I used to be crazy about everything in nature and would read books about animals for hours.
I also felt a very strong emotional attachment to my parents and the thought of them dying would get me wailing like crazy. I really liked my parents. I also made friends easily.
When it came to fictional stories, I would often develop strong emotional attachments to the characters, as if they were real people.

Nowadays, I get bored and frustrated easily, and the only thing that truly makes me happy is eating (pretty sure that's because of an eating disorder in the past.). Nearly every day, I feel dead. Animals and plants are no longer interesting to me.
I recall that as a kid, I could read novels for hours. However, when I pick up a novel now, my attention span can't last for more than five minutes. It's crazy. I've read through at least 5 novels in the past few months, but I never really got actual enjoyment from them. I even picked the novels with good ratings and seemingly compelling plots. After reading, I never remember any details. It strikes me how others can be huge fans of a book and feel very emotional about them, like when a character dies. But I never even seem to care if something awful happens to a character.
I've tried various different hobbies such as violin, trumpet, reading about other fields of science, art, ceramics, and nearly every sport in my area, but I could never last in any of them for long.

Also, my relationships have been badly affected too. For example, ever since I was a teenager, I stopped wanting to make friends. Talking to people became an enormous chore. I think it was partially due to some social anxiety. I don't know the exact reason why I hated talking to people, but it just felt like a huge chore to stay around them. Maybe the judgementalness from everyone subconsciously repelled me away from opening myself up, because the expectations for teenagers were quite different from expectations for children.
I basically stopped caring about my family as well. Maybe it was because we got into fights too much. But even after being separated from them for about a year, I still feel as if I don't really care about them. It's like I can't forgive them or anything. It feels emotionally numb.
Ever since I was a teenager, the only emotions I could feel were irritability, sadness, and anger. When happiness did occur, it always lasted very shortly, and never even felt like real happiness. Nowadays, eating is the only thing that makes me happy.
I made some new friends recently, but I didn't put any effort into befriending them. They just stuck around me. I know that I'm quite lucky to meet such friendly people, but I feel like if they rejected me or just abandoned me one day, then I wouldn't miss them. It's very scary to know that I wouldn't care if someone just left my life.
As a teenager, I also recall feeling rejected and lonely all the time, but I'm not sure if that has to do with anything. As a kid, there was always a sense of security, like my parents would always love me. But after we got into so many fights, I don't think that's true anymore. All the stories about friends leaving each other or awful divorces don't help either. When I'm around people, it constantly feels like walking on eggshells, like I can be rejected and thrown away at any moment. I'm guessing this is why I can't form emotional attachments to people.
Perhaps teenage hormones are still lingering on me. I don't know.

I'm not sure if rejection and the things that happened to me in the past have shaped the emotional numbness.
I don't know how to enjoy anything or anyone anymore, and I would like to know how, if possible.

[pegasus]

Hello Mockingbirds531, welcome to Psych Central.

Losing interest in things that you once enjoyed can be a symptom of depression Depression Symptoms, Information and Treatment - Psych Central

It also sounds like the home life you had with your parents arguing may have affected you. It would be a good idea to seek therapy to talk through these issues. Often as children we take on the blame even when it is not our fault. Go see your doctor about medication and therapy. We also have a very good Depression forum that you might like to share more in with other people that feel like you do. We also have an Eating Disorders forum.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Mockingbirds531

I have two issues; I seem to have lost enjoyment for everything and can't love anyone.

When I was a kid, it was extremely easy to appreciate simple things, and each day had something fun for me. I used to be crazy about everything in nature and would read books about animals for hours.
I also felt a very strong emotional attachment to my parents and the thought of them dying would get me wailing like crazy. I really liked my parents. I also made friends easily.
When it came to fictional stories, I would often develop strong emotional attachments to the characters, as if they were real people.

Nowadays, I get bored and frustrated easily, and the only thing that truly makes me happy is eating (pretty sure that's because of an eating disorder in the past.). Nearly every day, I feel dead. Animals and plants are no longer interesting to me.
I recall that as a kid, I could read novels for hours. However, when I pick up a novel now, my attention span can't last for more than five minutes. It's crazy. I've read through at least 5 novels in the past few months, but I never really got actual enjoyment from them. I even picked the novels with good ratings and seemingly compelling plots. After reading, I never remember any details. It strikes me how others can be huge fans of a book and feel very emotional about them, like when a character dies. But I never even seem to care if something awful happens to a character.
I've tried various different hobbies such as violin, trumpet, reading about other fields of science, art, ceramics, and nearly every sport in my area, but I could never last in any of them for long.

Also, my relationships have been badly affected too. For example, ever since I was a teenager, I stopped wanting to make friends. Talking to people became an enormous chore. I think it was partially due to some social anxiety. I don't know the exact reason why I hated talking to people, but it just felt like a huge chore to stay around them. Maybe the judgementalness from everyone subconsciously repelled me away from opening myself up, because the expectations for teenagers were quite different from expectations for children.
I basically stopped caring about my family as well. Maybe it was because we got into fights too much. But even after being separated from them for about a year, I still feel as if I don't really care about them. It's like I can't forgive them or anything. It feels emotionally numb.
Ever since I was a teenager, the only emotions I could feel were irritability, sadness, and anger. When happiness did occur, it always lasted very shortly, and never even felt like real happiness. Nowadays, eating is the only thing that makes me happy.
I made some new friends recently, but I didn't put any effort into befriending them. They just stuck around me. I know that I'm quite lucky to meet such friendly people, but I feel like if they rejected me or just abandoned me one day, then I wouldn't miss them. It's very scary to know that I wouldn't care if someone just left my life.
As a teenager, I also recall feeling rejected and lonely all the time, but I'm not sure if that has to do with anything. As a kid, there was always a sense of security, like my parents would always love me. But after we got into so many fights, I don't think that's true anymore. All the stories about friends leaving each other or awful divorces don't help either. When I'm around people, it constantly feels like walking on eggshells, like I can be rejected and thrown away at any moment. I'm guessing this is why I can't form emotional attachments to people.
Perhaps teenage hormones are still lingering on me. I don't know.

I'm not sure if rejection and the things that happened to me in the past have shaped the emotional numbness.
I don't know how to enjoy anything or anyone anymore, and I would like to know how, if possible.

Hi Mockingbirds,

I'm not a professional at all, but I've been there and have really solved this problem, at least for myself. What you're describing are classic symptoms of depression (you probably realize that, but just in case...). In unhelpful medical lingo, you don't enjoy things, which means you've got "anhedonia" which means...you don't enjoy things. Difficulty concentrating is also classic.

I think it's best to think of what you're describing as just symptoms of your underlying problem. If you find a way to un-depress yourself, I think that you will automatically start enjoying things and connecting with people much more.

As for what to do, I always suggest seeing an MD as a first step because there are a surprising number of purely medical problems that can cause depression. Here's a partial list from an interesting talk

About 13:44 in, he talks about depression specifically and points out the any of the following can cause it:

1. Gluten -> Autoimmune disease thyroid
2. Acid reflux -> acid blockers -> vitamin B12 deficiency
3. Vitamin D deficiency
4. Took antibiotics -> Altered gut flora -> Changes the way peptides and neurotransmitters are produced
5. Love Sushi -> Mercury poisoning
6. Hate fish -> Omega 3 deficiency
7. Love sugar -> Prediabetes

Every one of these things causes depression, the treatments for each are different and none of them will be helped by antidepressants.

There are lots of things you can do to help depression which are good for you anyway such as exercise, improving your diet and mediation. My attitude is to try anything like that before jumping to drugs (which are problematic in several ways). There are lots of sources for information like this. Here's one I like

Emotional Health, Depression Treatment - Dr. Weil

You can also find out what has worked for others in the "depression success stories" section of this site. The thing the really worked spectacularly well in my case, for instance, is "SNAP CLUB"

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

[Sapiens]

35 years ago I picked up a used pocket book in a small books shop, on how to know yourself, like for examples: your IQ, your personality, etc.

In one section there was a list of questions for me to find out whether I am happy with life or something like that, i.e. satisfied with life.

A lot of questions have to do with what I look forward to, like to travel to see a place, to acquire something, etc.

I answered no to almost all of them.

Then I looked up the score indicating whether I am happy with life.

I got a high score, meaning I am happy i.e. satisfied with life.

That made me glad that I am happy with life.

Now 35 years after I am seeing myself as not enjoying anything at all, though I am healthy and active.

I mean I am not excited with anything at all, as to want to do something about it, like when everyone is eager to see a new movie, I am not.

That means that I am not enjoying most things people enjoy(?).

So I wonder perhaps there is something not normal with me?

Still I say to myself, according to that self-help pocket book I happened to pick up in a small used books shop, I am supposed to be happy with life, i.e. satisfied with life.

What are your comments, dear colleagues here?