[Rose76]

My boyfriend is in the hospital. Since the end of July, he has been going in and out of the hospital with one thing after another. They've been very serious illnesses. I've taken care of him at home for over 3 years. That's what we both want. But he keeps landing in healthcare facilities. I don't know which is worse - the strain of caring for him at home, or the anxiety of having him in the hospital and wondering if he'll come home again. Tonight it's clear I'm becoming a wreck mentally. I've been crying for hours.

Two members of my immediate family passed away in hospitals when they were alone. In each case, it was totally unexpected. Staff simply found them passed away. I do not trust hospital staff to care for someone I love. As a child, I lost a young sibling that way. As an adult, I lost a parent that way. When I leave the hospital, after visiting my boyfriend, like I did four hours ago, I have tremendous anxiety that something will happen to him and no one will be there. He is extremely frail. I feel like he hangs on to life by a thread. I want to take him home where he wants to go. But the doctors say he should go to a rehab center. That might make him stronger. So he'll leave one hospital to go into another tomorrow. I don't want to spend the time we have left in hospitals. But he keeps landing up in hospitals.

I'm using my pain pills (Vicodin) as tranquilizers. Not willy-nilly. Tonight, after hours of crying and fretting, I took one. It kicked in and I feel much better. I was getting awfully depressed. I'm waiting for a psych consult to ask about medication to regulate my sleep. I'm up all night and exhausted during the day. I need help. I doubt they'll take my problem with bad sleep and depression seriously.

[Skeezyks]

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are struggling and sorry your SO is back in the hospital. Both of you are in my thoughts and prayers. Do you think a visit to your therapist or pdoc would help? Can you call and get an appointment? You need some relief.

It's impossible for anyone to put themselves in your shoes. Most though that know you somewhat realize you are not ok at all. You need self care at a time like this. I don't mean to be harsh, but you do realize that your own health, physically and mentally, needs to be first. You won't be there for him if you continue to be sleep deprived, you could have an accident. Just an example. I care about you very much.

My own mother a year ago, went from hospital to rehab, to home, to hospital. It was exhausting driving there, but yet I had support from my brother. One day, I was sleep deprived and he thought she was passing. I drove crying to the hospital, praying not to take her yet. I understand how you want to be by his side. I just believe that God would have taken care of her, and in the end I believe he did. I was there, and it was so difficult to be helpless wanting to help her. Yet I'm still not sorry for staying with her until she passed. I so understand you don't want the last days to be in hospital or rehab. I pray the best outcome for you both. Please do whatever you need to do to rest at times between visits with him.

[FallDuskTrain]

I am very sorry that you are struggling.
I hope the doctor was able to help you with sleep problems.
Please reach out whenever you want.
I sincerely hope that you will get some relief, soon.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I doubt they'll take my problem with bad sleep and depression seriously.

I hope they don't brush you off. They need to read your post!

[Rose76]

Thank you all very much. I value each post above. I was able to bring him home for tonight. Then, tomorrow, I'll take him to the rehab place. I'm so comforted by him being home tonight.

I lost my pdoc a year ago when I was so busy with his care that I missed some pdoc appointments. So they discharged me from psych services. It's a clinic that isn't known to be a great place. They've discharged patients who immediately went and availed themselves of the final solution. Their families are suing.

So I was supposed to go Friday to do psych intake with a nurse there. Instead I was in the E.R. with my s.o. It's uncanny how his emergencies often come up right went I'm about to try and do something for me. But then he goes from crisis to crisis.

The warning about driving is apt. I have a history of auto accidents and don't need another.

Thanks for the prayers . . . thanks for the teddy bear hug.

[Wild Coyote]

You are in a very stressful situation.

Much Love and prayers for both of you.


WC

[Rose76]

Tonight is a night of contentment, with him home and seeming comfortable. I made my pot of chili and boiled some rice. Having a glass of wine now. Christmas decorations still up, since I was too preoccupied to put them away. We'll enjoy the twinkly lights one last night.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Tonight is a night of contentment, with him home and seeming comfortable. I made my pot of chili and boiled some rice. Having a glass of wine now. Christmas decorations still up, since I was too preoccupied to put them away. We'll enjoy the twinkly lights one last night.

Beautiful!


WC

[Singin' In the Rain]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Rose76! Both you and your SO are in my thoughts and prayers.

Please take care, and hang in there. You matter.

- Singin'

[Wild Coyote]

Thinking of you and am wondering how you are doing today.

Love and Prayers,

WC

[Rose76]

We're both doing well. Thank you all.

[Rose76]

I'm afraid the doing well has kind of blown over. He and I decided that going to rehab could cause as many problems, as it might solve. So I've kept him at home. He's recovering from his infections. Now that he's not in a medical crisis, we are back to our old routine. He has to be pushed to do what he needs to do (bathe, shave, take fluids,) and he's sick of me pushing him. So we get into "feud mode."