[ArcheM]

I'm sorry, this is going to be a lot of the same issues I've already discussed, but I just can't do anything else right now.

For a few months I was going strong. Then I think it all started with the winter holidays. I decided to stay busy during them, which is to put as much into my hobbies as possible. Then the holidays ended, work began, I got a department-wide message that we're terrible and should increase our focus or else. And there's also the tedium and meaninglessness of my work, and having to balance listening to podcasts when what I'm doing is completely brainless, and music at full blast if extreme focus is required in something about which I don't give any ****s.

I guess the term "whiplash" could be appropriate.

And I also was on a diet, which sometimes means extreme hunger at unexpected times. That's manageable if I can focus on something else, but with work there pretty much is nothing else. So I ate a bit more. That didn't help. So I completely binged... That actually made me feel worse. I should go buy food for the evening and tomorrow, but I feel like a slimy fat slug and don't want people to see me... Although I guess it doesn't matter, since I binged.

And also I'm having difficulty focusing and normal entertainment doesn't bring me joy anymore. So I think I'm at least temporarily in this subforum.

However I did buy a videogame that I enjoy and find very stimulating in a special kind of way, meaning that it requires patience and concentration... So I don't know. That kind of seems paradoxical.

All I wish at this point is that, if I get fat again, let's at least not get back into skin-picking... But...

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry. It seems like a lot is going on in your life.
Is there any way you can ask to be changed to another departement?

[ArcheM]

No, kind of as straightforward as that. Really our department has very little in common with all the others. Except using computers.

But even if I could I wouldn't, because all I want is to be able to get rid of this job... and essentially of a job. Which is a long story that I've gone into numerous times. I don't know if it needs to be reiterated.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by ArcheM

I'm sorry, this is going to be a lot of the same issues I've already discussed, but I just can't do anything else right now.

For a few months I was going strong. Then I think it all started with the winter holidays. I decided to stay busy during them, which is to put as much into my hobbies as possible. Then the holidays ended, work began, I got a department-wide message that we're terrible and should increase our focus or else. And there's also the tedium and meaninglessness of my work, and having to balance listening to podcasts when what I'm doing is completely brainless, and music at full blast if extreme focus is required in something about which I don't give any ****s.

I guess the term "whiplash" could be appropriate.

And I also was on a diet, which sometimes means extreme hunger at unexpected times. That's manageable if I can focus on something else, but with work there pretty much is nothing else. So I ate a bit more. That didn't help. So I completely binged... That actually made me feel worse. I should go buy food for the evening and tomorrow, but I feel like a slimy fat slug and don't want people to see me... Although I guess it doesn't matter, since I binged.

And also I'm having difficulty focusing and normal entertainment doesn't bring me joy anymore. So I think I'm at least temporarily in this subforum.

However I did buy a videogame that I enjoy and find very stimulating in a special kind of way, meaning that it requires patience and concentration... So I don't know. That kind of seems paradoxical.

All I wish at this point is that, if I get fat again, let's at least not get back into skin-picking... But...

I'm sorry you're still going through this. Feel free to share on the topic as often as you need. That's what we're here for. Problems don't go away in a day and they take a while to overcome. It's a journey to recovery, and we all know that you will need support along the way, not just once or twice.

I understand the waxing and waning of the depression. Mine comes and goes in intensity too. So some days I'll feel "normal" as in, able to cope, and then other days the anxiety and depression are just overwhelming and I can't get out of bed. I think my biggest anxiety right now stems from all the weight I've gained since 2015, due to different treatments, medications, and hospitalizations. Like you mentioned, I'm embarrassed and anxious to leave the house. It's weird because I don't actually blame myself for the weight gain, I'm not mad about it, but at the same time I feel judged by others for it.

Just remember that no one is perfect. You will slip up, just get back on the wagon and try to do better with the binging next time.

Maybe you could listen to some audiobooks at work or like a recording about learning a different language? Maybe that would engage your brain more and make you feel more occupied?

Seesaw

[ArcheM]

Well, again, that only works when a task is completely braindead. My current tasks aren't. My current tasks are, and essentially have been, giving the impression of having been prepared by drunken monkeys. And my brain apparently refuses to provide the focus required to deal with **** like that.