I need help from any psychiatrist. -

I suffered from depression since most of my life. I am 40 and still.single. didn't marry because of persistent depresssion or anhedonia.

Professionally I completed my medical school and did few years of junior residency.

I was never a very good doctor and that led to to shop for career(s)

I invested too much on studies both time and money and cared less for working and sustaining myself on my own. Parents supported me considering my diagnosis of BP / Depression.

Now the situation is -

Whole family and extended family is behind me, willing to allow me whatever I wish to do but not to sleep.

My condition is that I only want to sleep. I even lost the will to get better. I wish to get better but I fear from the things that I need to do. Like Yoga, exercise, proper diet.

My painful symptoms - I turn off blinds as soon as morning comes and go to a dark room, cover my eyes, and stuff cotton in ears to avoid even slightest sound

2. I have stalked Alprazolam and I take .25 mg prn as and when my anxiety or rapid thoughts becomes unbearable. If I open up my eyes the thoughts stop coming but I choose to close the eyes and suffer and take medication.

This has been happening since 1.5 months.

Can anyone suggest if this is psychosis. ? Psychosis say that a person loses touch with reality and have hallucination s or delusions. I never had any single hallucination ever in my life and I am quite certain not delusional.also. but yes sometimes I have increased confidence ( but never over confidence) but MANY TIMES I START MULTIPLE NEW INTERESTINg THINgS and Finishes few of them, this is a symptom seen in Mania.

I have received various diagnosis from US as well as Indian physicians ranging from Generalized anxiety disorder to Bipolar .

My depression is very freezing and is crippling, and I cannot manage despite all my intelligence and will.power put to use. During non depressive phase there is. Not even a single pill. So during past two months I am alprazolam.dependemt since two months and completely medication free for the preceding 10 months.

Is this Bipolar and is Lithium must?

If I do not take psych meds but continue Yoga, exercise, reading Positive thinking books , is there a risk to my sanity level. I am enrolled currently in a Master's program at US' most prestigious University.

In past I have taken Valproic and Lithium but as my family says they negatively affected me.

So is there a brain disease or is it just my judgemental errors and lifestyle choices and above all My fascination with studies on the cost of working that costed me so dearly.

I never had suicidal thought nor do I expect but except that every single symptom of Major Depressive Disorder is there in me currently and I am slowed down like 85 yr old.

Any thoughts on prognosis?

Would anyone be willing be counsel me?

Any psychiatrist that can evaluate me online. I stay in India. We can negotiate on fee and payment methods

- Regards

40 yr Male
Profession - Doctor, but not practicing since 2012.
Religion - Hindu
Diseases - Kidney Stones / no physical illness otherwise
Mental health - many mercenary psychiatrists experimented on me in the past.
Managing parental business often as when needed by my father
Father struggles with managing around 35 real estates, I enjoyed managing them untill few years back but when I realised that I was leading dual.life and in fact messed up my career, I lost the will to live happily. I especially mentioned 35 real estates because after my father it is me who need to take care of them and here I am on this forum concerned about my sanity, and pooor quality of life. Apart from real estate's my father runs a well established famous business highly regarded in our city and now I see it slowly slowly being overtaken by servants and fraudulent accountants. I am already crippled and my father has left his oversight onto business at all. He is active in business but shows signs of Alzheimer's, and severe depression.

Sailing aimlessly since 2 months in screeching mental agony, frightening horror and deafening silence of new thoughts.

My aged parents are depressed too but not because of their own disease. They are depressed because of me and I am their only son. They are gwtting fearful and frigtening as seeing my condition.

I was overtly sensitive and caring for my parents throughout my life except past 8-9 years since I have been struggling with depression.

I am in crisis in nutshell,

Any help will be a lifesaver thing for me.

If I loose any loved one in near future I will end up in a mental asylum for sure. So right now desperately window shopping for what should and COULD I do

Hello & Welcome.
I am sorry. You have the background and experience to assess those who have given you various diagnoses. In your opinion, which diagnosis is correct, if any?

Also, is it possible you are suffering from a physical disorder (or more than one) simultaneously with a mental disorder?

Please make yourself at home here.

I am not a mental health professional so I cannot help.
My only advice is that you do not use your real name and choose a handle/nick name; as it can have very severe consequences in your life. You do not want anyone to learn about these very personal information. I think you are using your real name and if I am mistaken, just ignore this post.

No this is not my real name. Thanks for advice. If anyone of you wish to send me a private message relating to what I shouldn't have written in a post, please do let me known. When ever I am in severe depression, I become desperate for immediate comprehensive health so I am very prolific on writing, includes minor details.

Your comments are helpful and I ll remember them.

Welcome. I’m also not a shrink, but I also feel that “professionals” in “real”life did similar to me