[whisperingskye]

I’ve been ok for the most part in recent months. By that I mean my suicidal thoughts/urges have been manageable. Yeah they’ve been there, they’ve been there so long it would be weird not to have them. But I haven’t really wanted to act on them, I’ve managed to keep myself safe. Some nights have been harder than others but I’ve coped. Not necessarily in healthy ways, but I made it through all the same.

Today I’ve been a bit of an idiot though.

Possible trigger:

I took an overdose while at work. Not a big one, but an overdose all the same. I don’t think I’ve taken enough to cause any real damage at least, but I also don’t really care if I have.

I’m not sure what I wanted out of it, maybe just to check out for a bit. This last week has been pretty stressful, and now the stress has eased somewhat it’s like my brain has suddenly realised and I’m feeling overwhelmed with everything. I just need a break.

Life is just catching up with me and I can’t really handle it.

[MtnTime2896]

I caught this and your message late. I hope you're okay. I'll try to be more available tomorrow, my friend.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m sorry I haven’t been available lately. I hurt my arm so can’t type much (only talk to very few online apart from on open boards) (poor excuse I know ) you’re welcome to message me as always

[Fuzzybear]

Just sent you a message. As you know I don’t usually “announce” when I message someone but for today I’m doing things differently

[whisperingskye]

Thank you both for the support. Today I’m feeling a bit sheepish and wishing I hadn’t acted so impulsively, but it is what it is. I’ll be ok

[Wild Coyote]

I am just seeing this.

I am glad you are okay!

In the future, if you need a break, could you just give yourself permission to take a break, without a med OD?

I know I have had to learn to simply grant myself time and space for a break. I turn my computer off, turn my phone off, go to a quiet space and isolate for awhile. I sometimes do this for longer periods.

Just a thought!


WC

[whisperingskye]

Yeah in hindsight that would have been a much better solution

It wasn’t necessarily just a break from stuff in my life though, I tend to do self destructive things in an attemp to quiet my brain. Often that includes drinking or

Possible trigger:

cutting

but at that moment in time pills were all i could get a hold of. I need to learn new ways to cope. It’s a work in progress i guess

[Fuzzybear]

Curious... do the “services” actually help you learn new ways to cope?

Or do they tend to shame you?

As you know, I “cope” by completely avoiding them

(Please feel free to ignore my nosey questions.)

[surfzulu]

Whispering I get messages from dark lyrics like Breaking Benjamin that I construe to apply to myself. Tool is my favorite band and they have the darkest lyrics but amazing visual shows. Concerning the big no no thought I suffered from obsessive suicdal thinking for 20 years until i took lithium. Now I do not even have a stray suicidal thought. It is a huge relief. Things can change with the right chemicals but we are all individuals and things dont always work the same for others. Anyway my newest favorite discovery is Maca root. It has helped my depression better than any pharmaceutical. I used to sleep 14 hours a day and sleep at work all the time. Now I just nap at work once every two weeks. Try it cheap and a libido enhancer too. Take care the universe cares for you even when you do not feel it.

[whisperingskye]

I have yet to learn new ways to cope, and I’ve been under their care now for 6 years...

Some are better than others though when it comes to shaming. I know I don’t always do what I should to help myself and that is on me but this at least isn’t happening as regular as it used to so I guess there is some progress somewhere!

[Fuzzybear]

That’s kinda what I thought.. they tend to prefer labels to actual help, sorry I guess I’m cynical, I don’t know..

[whisperingskye]

Not cynical, that’s pretty accurate in my experience. They like to label you and then if you don’t respond to the set treatments for said diagnosis then it must be your fault.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

Not cynical, that’s pretty accurate in my experience. They like to label you and then if you don’t respond to the set treatments for said diagnosis then it must be your fault.

Exactly what I thought. (From my experience too)