They want me to go IP

My T and my best friend want me to go IP. My meds still haven't been cleared by insurance. I'm having more frequent episodes of confusion, more visions and more trances caused by too many voices. In these trances, I tend to be unable to fight against their orders. I'm also having more issues with figuring out if things are real. Another issue is, like now, when I'm alone I'm having issues not taking the "opportunity". I know where my roommate stashed my pills. I have them right next to me. I can get them now. I'm fighting it, though I'm losing sight as to why I continue to fight it.

I don't want to go IP. I want to figure things out outside of the hospital. At the same time, I know that I don't have much control right now. Thing is, I don't know if I actually want help. I'm pretty sure I know what I want. I'm putting the people I love through so much right now. If they could understand, maybe they would allow me to give up. Maybe I could go in peace. ****! I hate being this weak. I hate not being able to control my own head. I hate it!

I'm mostly just trying to get my thoughts written out so I can go over my options more. I don't know what I should do. Where is there to go from here?

I think you should give IP a shot. You still have all the same options available when you come back out. So there's not a lot to lose by going in. But you can't say now what benefit you might derive by letting yourself be helped. Maybe it will change nothing. But I doubt that.

You are in a vortex spiraling down. This would be an opportunity to possibly interrupt that. Besides your interaction with staff, you don't know now what kind of peers might be in there with you. Sometimes it can help to be around others who are in tough struggles. When I was an in-patient, I felt a commonality of experience with some of my peers at the hospital. Also, one particular resident pdoc took an interest in me and referred me to a partial hospitalization program that turned out to be really worth while. You can't really predict what might come out of going IP.

So, I say, listen to those who sound like they know you. Take the plunge. At the very least, it will produce documentation that may influence the insurance company in the direction of approving what meds your pdoc wants you on. It provides a space of time to see how you do on the latest drug regimen. You need to stop going in circles inside your own head, which I suspect is what you are doing.

I can relate to the circles inside my head

I’m sorry this doesn’t say much.. I know you know I care

You’re very strong.. I mean this

Is it possible to be safe and to get this sorted out on an outpatient basis?
Is Intensive Out-Patient an option?

Please be safe!

WC

There is no IOP option where I live. Used to be but there's no funding.

That's unfortunate!
How are you doing today?


WC

I managed to stay safe last night. And now my friend brought over another pup for me to take care of since our other friend is staying for a week. The reason this friend is staying is just in case I go IP, I didn't want her to be alone. But for right now, I have these two pups to look after. I think it's sort of helping because our friend's dog is pretty much a therapy dog. He hasn't left me alone, he doesn't bark (which would spike my anxiety) and he's just so relaxed that I get relaxed just by watching him. Then there's the other pup, of course, who just wants love. So far it's keeping me somewhat grounded.

That's great! I love dogs!

WC

((((((( So leigheas )))))))