[rdgrad15]

Does anyone else feel like they see things for how they really are rather than being overly optimistic? I hear it could be a sign of minor depression, like depression realism. Sometimes I wonder if I am mildly depressed. But either way, I feel like even people without depression can still see things in a different light compared to others. While someone who is overly optimistic may know for a fact, 100 percent certainty, that they will get the job they want or that a new friendship or relationship will last for a long time or even a lifetime. I feel like that increases the chances of major disappointment if it doesn’t work out.

Others, including me, may secretly think, I may get the job, but there is a chance I won’t. The new friendship or relationship may work out, but it may not or at least not for long. Some people consider me to be pessimistic to think this way but it is just how I think? Is this form of thinking wrong or even a sign of depression? Just wondered, I don’t think it is wrong to think this way. Basically it helps lessen the impact of disappointment if something doesn’t work out, but if it does then that is a bonus and a great feeling to have.

[avlady]

I'm in the same boat. I am a negative thinker, just from experience with things not working out as i would have liked. The thing to remember although is that when one door closes another opens. There were reasons why things didn't work out for me as hoped as other opportunities turned up around me. I am still a negative thinker still and am reading a book called Perfectly Yourself by Matthew Kelly that has some good points about thinking positive and doing your own thing. I havn't finished it yet but am planning on it soon.

I don't think there is anything necessarily "wrong" with being a more "realistic" thinker, or a more optimistic one. Some people are just more naturally pessimistic, while others are naturally more positive in their thinking.

As long as one doesn't take it to the extreme (for pessimistic, thinking EVERYTHING will go wrong, and for optimistic, thinking EVERYTHING will be perfect and there's no way anything bad could happen), then you are just fine! There is definitely a benefit to being realistic.

I too am predisposed to trying to see the whole picture. Is this from a tendency to think negatively? Maybe. I would however consider myself a problem solver and as such try to see every angle or context of a situation.

[eskielover]

I am a realist & always have been LONG before I ever experienced depression.

My personal opinion is that after 2 years of intense DBT therapy, that those people who are realists are much better at the section of mindfulness. It is of KEY IMPORTANCE to be mindful in life because it combines the logical mind with tje emotional one to LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE & determine the BEST decision to make based on that BIG PICTURE.

Others who weren't realists in our group seriously struggled with this

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I don't think there is anything necessarily "wrong" with being a more "realistic" thinker, or a more optimistic one. Some people are just more naturally pessimistic, while others are naturally more positive in their thinking.

As long as one doesn't take it to the extreme (for pessimistic, thinking EVERYTHING will go wrong, and for optimistic, thinking EVERYTHING will be perfect and there's no way anything bad could happen), then you are just fine! There is definitely a benefit to being realistic.

Totally agree. I am in the middle and I feel like that is how it should be for everyone. I've seen people on both extremes. I've seen people assume that nothing will ever work out for them and just be very pessimistic about things and also have seen people be too optimistic. They assume that nothing can go wrong for them or even others. Being too optimistic is just setting yourself up for major disappointment should things go wrong in my opinion.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I too am predisposed to trying to see the whole picture. Is this from a tendency to think negatively? Maybe. I would however consider myself a problem solver and as such try to see every angle or context of a situation.

Same and I think it could stem from past negative experiences which results in more careful thinking and not having your expectations up too high. I am like you, I see what every outcome could be and prepare for any one of them to happen. If it turns in my favor, then that is a bonus and a great feeling to experience. If it doesn't, then I will still be disappointed, but at the same time, I would have already sort of expected it to go wrong so therefore, the disappointment is not too severe.

I just posted a bit of a rant about being a realist. There was a book on this called "learned optimism" where mental health officials did actually test it. The results... pessimists were more factual. Optimists were factually delusional. But the thesis of the book was that you needed to learn how to be factually delusional because being a realist was too depressing. So the answer needs to be you need to be about 60% pessimist and 40% optimist.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I just posted a bit of a rant about being a realist. There was a book on this called "learned optimism" where mental health officials did actually test it. The results... pessimists were more factual. Optimists were factually delusional. But the thesis of the book was that you needed to learn how to be factually delusional because being a realist was too depressing. So the answer needs to be you need to be about 60% pessimist and 40% optimist.

Oh wow, that is very interesting. I'll take a look. What you said makes sense though. I can see how a more negative viewpoint can cause a more realistic viewpoint.

[yogurtssss]

if it's fair i guess

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by yogurtssss

if it's fair i guess

Hmmmm, how things are isn't always fair.

The way the home care person treated (abused) my mom wasn't fair or good but it was how it was & what really happened whether people said things like that don't happen to people like her it was how it was.

[Evil Rose]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Does anyone else feel like they see things for how they really are rather than being overly optimistic? I hear it could be a sign of minor depression, like depression realism. Sometimes I wonder if I am mildly depressed. But either way, I feel like even people without depression can still see things in a different light compared to others. While someone who is overly optimistic may know for a fact, 100 percent certainty, that they will get the job they want or that a new friendship or relationship will last for a long time or even a lifetime. I feel like that increases the chances of major disappointment if it doesn’t work out.

Others, including me, may secretly think, I may get the job, but there is a chance I won’t. The new friendship or relationship may work out, but it may not or at least not for long. Some people consider me to be pessimistic to think this way but it is just how I think? Is this form of thinking wrong or even a sign of depression? Just wondered, I don’t think it is wrong to think this way. Basically it helps lessen the impact of disappointment if something doesn’t work out, but if it does then that is a bonus and a great feeling to have.

I completely agree with this way of thinking. It has always worked for me. I don't see it as pessimistic at all. It is a very realistic way of looking at things.

[yogurtssss]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Hmmmm, how things are isn't always fair.

The way the home care person treated (abused) my mom wasn't fair or good but it was how it was & what really happened whether people said things like that don't happen to people like her it was how it was.

of course not

i mean if you have fair viewpoint

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by yogurtssss

of course not

i mean if you have fair viewpoint

Ah, thank you for clarifying. Sorry I misinterpreted what you wers saying

In truth, we don't see things as they really are; we see things according to our state of mind. To change the way others perceive you, you need to change the way that you perceive the world. Objectivity is an illusion. We see the world through our own subjective lens.

You don't have to have the label of depression, to see the world in a realistic fashion.

[eskielover]

I don't just perceive that my H I am getting divorced from let the house we own together go into foreclosure. It is FACT. I have talked with the foreclosure compsny & know exactly that he has not communicated with them & that they didn't receive the loan modificatjon papers they required of him & that he let the 90 days go by so they required a whole new loan modificatjon paper update or they will be sending the foreclosure to the lawyers & settkng an auction date on the house. He swears to a common known person where he lives in that house thst he plans on living there 2 more years & diesn't believe that the information he sent wasn'g sufficient for them to process the loan modification even after they sent him a denial letter.

He is NOT in touch with reality & is either totally delusional or in denial of the fact he is going to end up homeless. Seeing that the house is in foreclosure has NOTBING to do with my state of mind, it is based on the facts I have been given by the foreclosure company because my name os still on the loan.

His thinking may be his state of mind but some REALITY is just based on FACTS & anything else is just plain delusional & has nothing to dven do with optimisim. It is just being an ostrich stiching one's head in the sand

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Evil Rose

I completely agree with this way of thinking. It has always worked for me. I don't see it as pessimistic at all. It is a very realistic way of looking at things.

I totally agree. It is realistic. It s not being overly pessimistic or overly optimistic. Both extremes are not good. Being realistic and seeing things for how they really are is the best way to go.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by eskielover

I don't just perceive that my H I am getting divorced from let the house we own together go into foreclosure. It is FACT. I have talked with the foreclosure compsny & know exactly that he has not communicated with them & that they didn't receive the loan modificatjon papers they required of him & that he let the 90 days go by so they required a whole new loan modificatjon paper update or they will be sending the foreclosure to the lawyers & settkng an auction date on the house. He swears to a common known person where he lives in that house thst he plans on living there 2 more years & diesn't believe that the information he sent wasn'g sufficient for them to process the loan modification even after they sent him a denial letter.

He is NOT in touch with reality & is either totally delusional or in denial of the fact he is going to end up homeless. Seeing that the house is in foreclosure has NOTBING to do with my state of mind, it is based on the facts I have been given by the foreclosure company because my name os still on the loan.

His thinking may be his state of mind but some REALITY is just based on FACTS & anything else is just plain delusional & has nothing to dven do with optimisim. It is just being an ostrich stiching one's head in the sand

I'm sorry you are going through problems with your husband. And I agree, a lot of things we perceive as they way they are, I believe, are facts. Yes some things can be opinionated, but other situations, such as what you wrote here, are facts.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Anonymous43456

In truth, we don't see things as they really are; we see things according to our state of mind. To change the way others perceive you, you need to change the way that you perceive the world. Objectivity is an illusion. We see the world through our own subjective lens.

You don't have to have the label of depression, to see the world in a realistic fashion.

I can see where your coming from. To an extend, this is true in some situations, but in a lot of others, they are facts, not perceptions. If I see someone treating me differently compared to the way they treat others, especially if it is negative, I really don't think I am just perceiving that they may not like me the same away as they like others, it is a fact, due to their behavior and actions, that they clearly may not like me, or at least not like me as much as they like other people they know. Some people who are overly optimistic will say that even if someone treats you differently, especially if it is in a negative way, they still really like you. I believe that form of thinking is too optimistic and leads to disappointment and may even cause others to think you can't take a hint. I like to see things for how it is and if others really like me, then they should show it through actions.

[eskielover]

Optimism can JUST be WISHFUL thinking or there could really be a chance that whatever it is will turn out good. That is why MINDFULNESS & seeing the BIG PICTURE is so important in life.

Holding onto the optimism that someone in the last stages of cancer will just get better is NOT based on reality or the BIG PICTURE of what is actually going on. Will they rally for a little longed....maybe....will it be permanent...NOT LIKELY. When we deal with REALITY we are neither an optimist nor a pessimist....we are a REALIST.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Optimism can JUST be WISHFUL thinking or there could really be a chance that whatever it is will turn out good. That is why MINDFULNESS & sering the BIG PICTURE is so important in life.

Holding onto the optimism that someone in the last stages of cancer will just get better is NOT based on reality or the BIG PICTURE of what is actually going on. Will they rally for a little longed....maybe....will it be permanent...NOT LIKELY. When we deal with REALITY we are neither an optimist nor a pessimist....we are a REALIST.

Completely agree. That is the best way to see things.