[mulan]

I don't feel any good right now. Quite scared in fact.

The world is scaring me. I can't hide and that's even more frightening.

I have a dinner tonight, with people I feel don't like my company (who does? ). I feel very unwelcomed.

Tomorrow I have a course with the same people.

For both situations I need a drive, because I don't have a car. I feel I am a burden to ride with. I am sure I am, I am dull and the opposite of spontaneous, they look for fun. I can't keep up the pace.

For the dinner I am thinking about calling a cab. I really feel I am not welcomed.
S really ignored me today. As I said, I am dull, not spontaneous, emotionally distant. I am not a fan of her personality, but I treat her as anybody else. She just ignored me today, I reached to her and she barely looked at me scrolling down her phone, she barely answered to my questions only with short answers and she immediately left to go socialize with somebody else. I can't ask her for a ride.

But everybody likes her so it's me. And she is warm and familiar with everybody.

[Fuzzybear]

Does S have NPD?

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Does S have NPD?

I don't know... If I had to say something I would go for BPD traits. She wanted to get close to me so soon. First week of meting her and she was already telling me the troubled story of her and her ex boyfriend, telling I could trust her, she wanted us to be best buddies when I was only trying to figure out who she was. And needless to say this forced proximity was quite much for me handle. One of the first things she told me was how it was good that the women in our workplace weared nice outfits and were not bad dressed as the ones from the last place she has been. It made me feel bad from the beginning, I am one of those that could dress well but don't mind about outfits.

But this would be ok for someone different than me.

[Fuzzybear]

She doesn’t seem particularly kind .. I don’t think her opinion matters very much

[mulan]

Oh... You know.... She is who she is.
I see her be kind and nice to many people. I don't want to convince anyone she is bad, for the fact I am not convinced about it. I don't agree with her vision of the world, but that's different. And she may not agree or think that she doesn't agree with mine. And she certainly doesn't like my quietness and avoidant behavior.

I don't think ignoring me is correct when I am talking to her. But maybe I ignore her too with my usual way of behaving.

[mulan]

I came home from dinner some minutes ago. It had its moments. I noticed a pattern of bad mouthing.

I am almost ok now. Calmer. I was feeling pretty bad at the beginning of the afternoon. I don't want to feel that way soon, it scares me I felt like that and thought what I thought.

[Candy1955]

I am glad you went to dinner and that you feel better. I think it was brave of you to go. It will also make the class easier.

[Fuzzybear]

I’m glad you went too

The pattern of bad mouthing that’s “common” (?) in that population concerns me

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m glad you went too

The pattern of bad mouthing that’s “common” (?) in that population concerns me

You shouldn't. We mostly see what is inside the patient, the soul isn't a material thing, we don't search for that. The contact with the patient is not as straightforward in our speciality as in others.
I can tell you one thing doctors have thousand of different personalities as any group of people. Their experiences at university and at work are mostly not that life-changing to change who they are at the core. That modulation was done years before. Doctors are not an uniform bunch of people and their motivations are varied. Some may be empathic, some may not...everyone of them has life experiences that helps them understand certain things, but some other things they are not personally experienced about they won't understand.

Some doctors may be very empathetic towards someone with certain illness more they are with others. Personal experiences, things that happen with people close to us have more power of generating empathy and not the best school or hospital learning have the power to make a powerful change in that.

I guess if someone is mean to you, it may be not their intention to hurt you, they may in fact think they are doing the best for you... It's just they don't have the tools to understand you.

It was about colleagues. I should be worried.