Done

I pulled back today. Pulled back from socializing, social media, family, people. Funny thing, my mother said I need three things.....1. Belief in G--. 2. Counselor. 3. Not be so afraid to put myself out there.
1. After all the pain, suffering, and loss I've endured, as well as seeing others endure especially children, there's no way I can believe. I don't ridicule other's beliefs, I simply cant.
2. I've been to TWENTY SEVEN counselors in my lifetime. Every single one of them has talked at me, not with me. They follow this set pattern and regurgitate the same "you need" statements. The VA doesn't exactly have good ones either and I can't afford one outside the VA.
3. How can a person put theirself out there, when they have been burnt every single time they've tried to get close to someone? I'm also tired of hearing "men do this" "men do that". I'm not one of those. I'm not perfect, however, I've always tried to be kind, respectful, caring, considerate, and even chivalrous. No matter what I do, it is NEVER good enough. I feel like a tool to people. I am useful till I'm not needed, then I'm thrown back in the box to rust. It is far better to live in solitude than to always be the problem and burden myself with more guilt for being the "bad guy". The songs "I am Machine" by 3 Days Grace and "I Refuse" by FFDP describe me to a tee. I can't deal with people any more.

Twenty-seven counselors, all of whom talked at you...
My tolerance would have collapsed far short of that number.

Your idea of what you need to do is not necessarily wrong just because you came up with it.

27 counselors...

I haven’t consulted that many but they did all talk at me. Why? .........

I wish I could be more helpful

You understand my point. Thank you