I believe that my inability to develop my music, among other things, is due to depression and the way my soul was pinned down and flattened out in childhood. My voice died in my throat.

But I'm letting it go anyway. It's too late.

I feel sick. I am tired. I am alone. I am stuck.

No more music. I have never been able to hold a living thing in my hands or heart without killing it. I am just incapable of holding life.

Call it giving up, whatever you want. I don't care. Feel too much shame and eventually you won't be able to feel anything at all.

All this misery is fighting to pour out. I have and am nothing. Completely empty. So I don't mind saying goodbye to it.

[SorryShaped]

You hold life with every breath. Know that it's ok to lose yourself along the way, because that's how you find your true self

[IrisBloom]

Depression saps your mental and physical energy. It's our natural response to fight against depression and pain, but that saps even more energy. It is my opinion that if you accept your illness just as a part of who you are and stop putting all of your energy into fighting, you may find your creativity returning. Keep treating your illness and definitely strive to recover, but if you can free up some mental energy you might start to become who you want to be. This won't be done over night and you will still struggle but it is something to work towards.

Remember that some of the most creative and successful artists throughout history have dealt with mental illness. That in and of itself should encourage you. And I believe it can add a depth to your art that might not have existed otherwise.