[Vilatus]

Hi everybody.

I guess I just need to vent a bit. Thanks in advance if you take the time to read.

Some people may think it's silly, but others will probably understand. I have depression and I'm on medication and see my therapist, the basics. However, what really helps a lot of the time is my pets. A little over a month ago I lost my dog, my best friend of nearly 11 years. A month before that I lost a baby bird who I had handreared myself, in a very traumatic way. He was only eight months old and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself for not noticing he was sick in time.

I'm here to talk about my dog though. I had her from four months old, until June 2nd. She would have been 11 in August. My family and I did everything we could for her, so I'm at peace with the fact it was her time and putting her down was the right decision. It doesn't make it any easier though.

She was always there for me, she was a constant in my life, and even when I didn't want to be alive I had to stay for her. I'm better now than I was, and it feels as if she's left when she knew I would be alright without her. Now though, I truly feel as if my life is empty. I own another dog and two birds, but I had a special connection with my dog. (My other dog also doesn't enjoy being around my family and I, we believe her previous owners abused her)

Food doesn't have any taste, I have no motivation to do anything, nothing makes me happy. The only thing I've been doing recently is the bare minimum to keep myself alive. I'm sick of feeling this way and I know its because I've lost her, so it makes me want another dog, but I know I'm not anywhere near ready. Having to interact with my family has been one of the worst things. I feel like I don't have the mental strength to act like I'm ok anymore, but I don't want to break down and make them upset over her again. I just truly feel lost, and as if life is empty and meaningless.

Sorry for rambling. I just needed to get this out somewhere because I feel as if I've bothered my family and friends with it enough already. I've made an appointment with my therapist as well, so hopefully that will help.

[sugarbeeMe]

So sorry you are hurting. You sound like you are making healthy decisions- waiting to get a new pup, scheduling appointment with therapist. So sorry for this heart wrenching sadness. ❤️

It sometimes does feel empty. But it's not a bottomless pit

I feel empty ever since I gave in my medical dream. I wanted to be a doctor, I am still half-heartily trying to. But deep in my mind I have a fear that I will never get into medical college. It was just a few days ago ever since I said "Screw that" to my life, now I am feeling so much empty and I don't find joy in anything now.


My parents still abuse me (I am 17) and the only way to get out of this toxic environment is to live in a respected hostel with respected students, which is possible only with medical college. I am left very numb, confused of what to do.