[pixiedust72]

Yesterday I got fired over text. I know it was my fault that I was fired. I took too many sick days because of my depression. I thought it was allowed with a few hours notice. It was not. Whatever, you live and learn. When I was texted this I asked my boss to please call me to discuss. Who wants their last conversation with an employer to be a text. I just wanted to apologize and I even said "I just want you to know that I didn't mean to make extra work for you and I wasn't trying to be malicious." Here's what she said: "if you ever want to be successful in life you can't do this. I haven't taken a sick day in 30 years. I have daughters about your age and they would never do this. It's just common sense". Wow, I'm literally sitting here being humble and apologizing for my mistake and she responds by calling me stupid and unsuccessful and (in less harsh words) that she would never raise a daughter like me. That's how my depression hears it at least. It hurts so much when you already feel like no one cares about you to have someone purposefully try to hurt you when you've just made a mistake. I just needed to vent, hear an outside perspective, or know if anyone else has been there.

[ShadowGX]

Fired over text? That's kinda unprofessional. >:\

She probably thought you were just lazy to take that many days off, that's the sense I get from her reply being more a lecture. Even if you told her it was for depression, she probably wouldn't buy it or would think it's an excuse. Mental illness in general is not understood or accommodated for.

[pixiedust72]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

Fired over text? That's kinda unprofessional. >:\

She probably thought you were just lazy to take that many days off, that's the sense I get from her reply being more a lecture. Even if you told her it was for depression, she probably wouldn't buy it or would think it's an excuse. Mental illness in general is not understood or accommodated for.

And that's understandable. But when someone comes to you and says they're sorry it's kind of heartless to tell them they'll never be successful if they keep this up. It's a chronic illness. I'll be better at times but... she basically told me I'll never be successful.

[unaluna]

I would say, she ADVISED you that in HER world, under the rules SHE follows, success requires something else. I wasnt very good at showing up due to depression either, but i could offer something else (speed and accuracy), so bosses put up with me for as long as they found me useful.

It may be common sense in her world, it wasnt in mine. We werent all raised the same way. Im sure we have qualities her darling daughters dont. So what.

Play your own game, not hers.

[Fuzzybear]

She sounds like a jerk, imo. If she’s so freakin “successful” maybe she could take a lesson in humility.

I’d walk away from this *** hole with my head held high. She has failed to define your worth. Or your ability to “succeed in life”.... don’t play her game.

[Cocosurviving]

I would call your local EEOC and NAMI. Good luck.

sorry to be like this, but how many sick days did you take? what is the company's policy around sick days? was it unclear, did all the employees know about it? could you have asked someone? did your employer know about your MI?

yes, your employer was rude, and I am very sorry for the way the firing went down. remember that you have strengths, and hopefully this influences your job search. what about the job did you like, not like, excel at, not excel at? apply it to the future. i guess the biggest question would be whether the employer had a point.

when I was fired (over email) I spent months on that question. I decided that there were some good points they made and I did make a mistake, but even so there were problems from the beginning and the job was not a good one because there was a lack of communication, ostracization, lack of clarity around who my boss was, and they misunderstood all my attempts to socialize, and even misunderstood my attitude when I asked questions about my assignments. I did though learn a bit about socializing, communicating in the workplace, though I think that they were mostly at fault.

but I was fired through a brief email, then I requested a phone call with another boss and smoothed things over as best as I could (and asked if a reference was possible as well as coordinated how to hand off my workload to them). if you're fired I think you probably won't get your job back unless you have a really good case. so it's best to leave under good terms so they don't tell a future employer. I apologized, she reiterated all my issues and character faults and also told me they were crucial to my future, and I accepted them and thanked her even though I disagreed with her.

I would take your employer's words as harsh advice, and not as a response to your apology. I think even if you hadn't apologized, she might have told you that. in this situation, an apology doesn't really change the fact that, in her eyes, you weren't right for the job.

I don't know much about navigating with mental illness in the workplace though because I never told an employer about my issues.

[eskielover]

As a computer engineer there was no chance of taking excess sick leave. When I ended up having to I set up being put on medical leave of absense if/when I was able to come back. If you are having that much trouble going to work it might be best for you to consider disability.

After 15 years in my career I had a breakdown & ended up with major depression & anxiety that got worse not better. My pdoc was the one who encouraged the disability that ended up becoming permanent.

Trying to hold down a job when depression is in control is virtually impossible & only adds to the depression. Disability takes away that pressure that only adds to the depression.

There were 2 guys I worked with who were out on medical leave for mental health issues. Accommodation was made for them to do their jobs when they came back.

Don't know the size of the company you were working for but a reasonable size company will have an HR department tbat will confidentially accomodate for disabilities coordinated through one's pdoc or T.

Just some thoughts

[pixiedust72]

Originally Posted by emptynightmare

I would take your employer's words as harsh advice, and not as a response to your apology. I think even if you hadn't apologized, she might have told you that. in this situation, an apology doesn't really change the fact that, in her eyes, you weren't right for the job

And I have no doubt that I was the one at fault. Yes, I think she had everything she wanted to say planned and was stewing over it for a day. But I still am hurt that she chose to hold a grudge and attack me personally. She was trying to give me advice but she did so by insulting me multiple times. If it was because she actually cared, she wouldn't have done that. I found it very immature and felt like I was having a high school fight. It seemed like the point of the phone call was to make me feel bad about what I'd done. When I called and started by saying I was sorry she was still devoted to the plan of making me feel bad. I don't feel like that's professional.

(And I know I won't be getting a good reference).

[pixiedust72]

I don't want anyone reading this to think I think it's okay to take excess sick days. I KNOW it's not but I made a mistake like everyone does and got what I deserved (being fired). What I'm upset about is the fact that she chose to insult me, wouldn't call me until a day after she texted me I was fired, brought up things I did wrong that I had NO IDEA were problems (she cited me not calling her back once as being unreliable. I thought she was just going down a list and calling everyone plus I didn't get her message until late that night). What I'm not ok with is her telling me that I lack common sense because I don't know the never established workplace rules. She can do whatever she wants as far as my job but it's just not right to insult someone who has made a mistake and wants to make it right.

[Cocosurviving]

Originally Posted by pixiedust72

I don't want anyone reading this to think I think it's okay to take excess sick days. I KNOW it's not but I made a mistake like everyone does and got what I deserved (being fired). What I'm upset about is the fact that she chose to insult me, wouldn't call me until a day after she texted me I was fired, brought up things I did wrong that I had NO IDEA were problems (she cited me not calling her back once as being unreliable. I thought she was just going down a list and calling everyone plus I didn't get her message until late that night). What I'm not ok with is her telling me that I lack common sense because I don't know the never established workplace rules. She can do whatever she wants as far as my job but it's just not right to insult someone who has made a mistake and wants to make it right.

I actually disagree with Emptynighmare. I use to work for a larger company and I took leave. I did go through our corporate HR and had my doctor submit all the proper paperwork. I know when your depressed it can hit you all at once. Just getting out of bed can take hours. Just know that on most jobs you have to be with the company for a certain amount of time to request a medical leave. I do completely agree the supervisor should have remained professional. Making comments about your common sense was her just being a b*****. There are website that you can post reviews of your experiences working for different companies.

-Best

[Turtle_Rider]

I've followed your case from the other thread, through I didn't respond it. I'm sorry for you. Hope you find better job soon.

Whether it is your fault or not, it is NOT their rights to tell you, "you're never be successful." It is ok to give advice or critics for better improvement, but not a judgement on how your life is going to be or comparison with her "successful method". This kind of person is snobbish hypocrite who play on favoritism. They will close their eyes on their favorites' mistakes, but give your abusive and harsh criticism if you are in his 'despise' list. Meanwhile, their favorites lick their *sses and stab their backs.

I have similar case, not in workplace though but college community in my uni times. I was told by a hypocrite senior that I would never get a job and similar words like yours. Eventually, he crashed to the wall of reality: he is not as great as he thoughts. He failed his dreams. He is hated by his favorites, juniors and his peers. He also ate the words he has spoken, bragged, and insulted on everyone. And no, his words to me never come true. I mean, I do have struggles (especially in my current workplace) but I proved that I can work well.

Trust me it will bite her *ss too, somehow. Don't believe in all her words. I mean, you can take the constructive ones but ignore the stupid lies. Yep, that 'successful method' is nothing but her delusions. I can tell based on my past experience with him. In the meantime, I hope you find better job and boss.

[pixiedust72]

It helps to know I'm not the only one who finds it disrespectful. I know I kind of made the first punch (accidently) but I think of the quote "when they go low, you go high". At least I didn't let my negative emotions get to me and yell and her back. It still hurts to know there are people like this out there and ones you trust. I never in a million years assumed her to be someone like this. She always was so pleasant to my face. I think that's why it's so hard to deal with. And couldn't even give me the closure of accepting my apology. I think I'll always be a little mad about that.

[mountainstream]

[downandlonely]

I was once fired for taking excess time off and going on Facebook at work. I guess I deserved it, but I was kind of hurt that the manager never spoke to me about it until after she had decided to fire me. If she had spoken to me about my behavior, I could have adjusted it.

[eskielover]

Wow, I am glad my career as a computer engineer was more flexible. I spent long lunches playing racquettball with my managers. I would work long days though. As long as I made the deadlines I coukd work whatever hours were best for me. I drove over an hour to get to work & So. Calif freeways were horrible at normal work hours so they were flexible with the time I arrived & left. I could usually take time off to be at my daughters activities....but even with the flexibility I usually worked 50-60 hours a week. Every aerospace company I worked for was flexible as long as I was there for meetings & presentations & got my work done. When we had deadlines & worked long hours they were glad to give me time off for a long get away vacation. Professional salary careers in my situation seemed so much more flexible.

Firing required notice & there was always an exit meeting with HR to discuss what happened.