[Smileonmyface]

took baby to doctor. it's just viral, he needs a few days to get over it. was kind of relieved to cancel tentative playdates for tomorrow. I was not feeling up to it but didn't want to cancel. his fever gave me a reason to. i mean, that sounds terrible. I don't want him to be sick. I just didn't want to follow through on the playdates. ugh. after the doctor we picked up a few groceries and the girls behaved absolutely horrible. people in the store glared at me. i am so used to it. i am so over it. if they think they get to me they just have no idea.

[will19]

The day went by fast at work today, which was nice, even though it was not busy. I got the stuff from my sister today. I called and thanked her for sending it to me. Worked out and it went very well. Went to the pool area. I had it to myself and then some people came in when I was about to leave. Not bad, but I would have preferred to no see them.

[tigerlily84]

Went to work. It's getting harder to keep up my motivation to do everything and I keep getting more and more stuff to do. There's no end in sight. I'm also giving my dog her insulin shot and I worry that she won't get better. I need her.

I am in pain

I didn't sleep again

I have no plans for tuesday accept for watching tv and stuffing my face with candy and cola

I am unmotivated

yesterday someone congratulated me for the fact that I'd not attempted suicide in 2018

Possible trigger:

I was like to them well.... if my last attempt had worked, I wouldn't be here feeling depressed

I couldn't accept it as a compliment

because it's what I want to do

die

[nikon]

today hasn't been that bad. still feeling quite blank, but i got good news about work - i still have some part-time work and am not totally unemployed from next week. i'm happy with part time for now because i feel like the past few months have taken everything out of me, and cracks are beginning to show. i signed up for a weekend jewelry design course starting at the end of september, which i'm really excited about. it's a bit random... i never had any interest in jewelry at all, but did a workshop the other day and it was fun. so now i suddenly want to become a jewelry designer that's why i have thought committing to study something is/was a bad idea. i change my mind every few weeks. at my age i can't afford to do that, really, but meh...

[Rose76]

I'm still doing well. Main thing is to get some errands accomplished every day . . . even just one thing. That way I don't get disgusted with myself.

[Smileonmyface]

having an ok day. tomorrow i finally get to have therapy. Baby boy seems to be all better and so far no one else has gotten sick (knock on wood...) took the time today to lie down again this morning with baby boy as he slept late, and watch him while he slept. thought about how fast he is growing. when middle daughter wanted lap time with mommy I sat down and held her for a while. and i listened to oldest singing her songs this morning while she played. I realized in less than a week they will be back at school and I will miss them.

[will19]

Slow day at work but I guess it had to be expected since we're approaching the holiday weekend. I imagine it's going to be very slow in the next couple of days. That's alright with me.

A pretty good day for me emotionally. I worked out and it went well even though I felt tired. It seemed like it got hot again. When I was driving home from work, I thought that I would fall asleep at the wheel. Went to the pool area tonight and it was wonderful. No one there on a nice balmy night. The only complaint that I have is that the pool area has been dark for the last few nights. The lights there are not coming on. But there is a consolation and that is I can see the stars in the night sky now.

Also I spent the afternoon narrowing down where I want to stay when I go on vacation. I sent out three emails to inquire. One came back rejected because the address was unknown. I already got one response back. I'm waiting for the other one, which is my first choice.

[Rose76]

Still feeling good. Ritalin is helping me. My sleeping has been better. I fall asleep at a reasonable hour. I still wake up in the middle of the night. But the sleep/wake cycle is way better than it was.

Possible trigger:

started the day by getting another death threat from my mother which was uncalled for

still really intent on paying people I know to kill me which is sick.

made me feel uneasy and unsafe.

for the rest of the day I just do what I usually do- internet, tv, eat, etc.

I got to stroke a dog this afternoon which was nice
feeling in diffrent

I'm not happy to be alive, but don't wanna die

[Smileonmyface]

had a good therapy session today, even with the kids in tow. afterwards got them lunch at wendy's and took them to the dollar store for school supplies for oldest; middle got to pick two dollar toys and chose horses of course. got odds and ends for myself to make myself feel better because i decided i deserved it. it was a good day.

[SlumberKitty]

Went to work today which I'm proud of because I totally wanted to call in and not be at work but its a good thing I didn't. There are so many people out today and no one would have been in my department. I'm going to go to the bank later. And then dinner with my parents. Forced socialization.

[smallbluefish]

feeling a little distant from my counsellor lately, for what seems like no reason at all... wondering if I should address this at our next session when I really can't even guess what the reason might be.

enjoying the fact that the weather is finally cooling down, though.

[smallbluefish]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

Possible trigger:

started the day by getting another death threat from my mother which was uncalled for

still really intent on paying people I know to kill me which is sick.

made me feel uneasy and unsafe.

for the rest of the day I just do what I usually do- internet, tv, eat, etc.

I got to stroke a dog this afternoon which was nice
feeling in diffrent

I'm not happy to be alive, but don't wanna die

sending you lots of love--it seems like you've been carrying a lot lately.

[will19]

It wasn't busy today at work, but that was to be expected. It seemed like it got warmer again, unfortunately. Did the laundry after work. Things went very wrong there. First off, a couple of washers had completed the wash cycle, which made it the only two washers available for me to use. I waited a while, and then I decided to take the clothes out and put mine in. There's a sign that says that others have the right to do that when it happens. It's a laundry room at my complex. When I put the clothes on the table to put my clothes in the washer, a woman came. I knew who she was. She was upset. That was unfortunate for me because I liked her. She's only one of the very few people at where I live that I like. And now she hates me. And then when it came time to do the drying, one of the machines didn't work and took my money.

I went to get a take out for dinner and it wasn't that good. I always prefer my own cooking by far over getting a take out. It's just that it's hard to cook and clean up while I'm doing the laundry.

I am in a lot of pain today.

so this morning during my shower, I had problems moving my arms/ legs and had breathing difficulties, none of this I'm going to collapse, none of that... but I did, what I like to call, " sway", and quite fast

just about made it to breakfast in a lot of agony, ate breakfast, and then came back to my room and just chilled out.

I'm feeling better now (I'm breathing normally, and I'm not in pain), um..... okay, I am a little in my legs

I hate chronic pain, especially when it flares up really bad- all the energy in you just goes away

going to eat some chips this afternoon and post a bit on here

and then find something for dinner

[catwalk69]

Nice Post

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am in a lot of pain today.

so this morning during my shower, I had problems moving my arms/ legs and had breathing difficulties, none of this I'm going to collapse, none of that... but I did, what I like to call, " sway", and quite fast

just about made it to breakfast in a lot of agony, ate breakfast, and then came back to my room and just chilled out.

I'm feeling better now (I'm breathing normally, and I'm not in pain), um..... okay, I am a little in my legs

I hate chronic pain, especially when it flares up really bad- all the energy in you just goes away

going to eat some chips this afternoon and post a bit on here

and then find something for dinner

(((((raging vortex)))))
hope you recover completely very soon.

[Smileonmyface]

I am extremely upset and feel like there will be a cloud hanging over this long weekend. I just learned that my mental health services provider is closing. Once again I will have to find another therapist and doctor to prescribe my meds. I just went through this a year ago, the jumping through hoops to find a new place after my nurse practitioner left the last place I was at. This is exhausting and upsetting all around, for myself, for all the other adults and kids who get services there, and for the people who work there who are out of a job because of this. This is really hitting me hard.