[katydid777]

So far things are ok, but I am very sleepy, I think bc my new med.

[katydid777]

Doing ok this morning, but very sleepy most likely from my new med.

[ShadowGX]

Wow, what a roller coaster so far today. Ups & downs galore. My first time using this thread, but the perfect time to do so considering the title fits my day so well.

I started out in a great mood and decided to ask friend about something. That something went very badly immediately. So bad that I ended up crying and I very rarely do that nowadays despite feeling badly a lot. At one point he mentioned that if I continue letting my dark place hurt him (it's what I call the voices that tell me negative things) that he "might leave". Of course this was a huge panic moment for me. I have BPD and my biggest issue is my fear of abandonment. After some venting and apologizing I asked for a favor. That favor was for him to tell me just one more time that he does like me. He said, and I quote, "I do love you tho there's no denial at all". That meant so much to me. It made the dark place shut up and the tears went away. I'm now back to calm and slightly happy.

You lose, dark place. My friend loves me. You can't defeat love.

[Smileonmyface]

feeling a little more hopeful since I have heard from two trusted sources that the place i have a call into is taking new patients. so it is a waiting game to hear back. i just have to be patient.

[Albatross2008]

How I feel right now.... If my emotions were a tall building, I'd be flat on the floor, in the basement. And digging a hole.

[Fuzzybear]

It was fairly busy at work today. I took a bike ride after work. Not feeling too good emotionally tonight. After dinner I have been on a roll for little things going wrong - one after another. It's one of those funky periods that happen for me.

I went through a lot of deep thinking on how living at my complex depresses me. I hope to move into a better place. I don't know if I could.

so a girl I talk to on email a lot, has suddenly vanished from the face of the planet

her address is dead, her website shut down, and I have no way of knowing what happened to her yet

I am trying to make enquiries though- and hopefully get somewhere

[PsychNitrous]

Haven't been around here for a while. Things haven't been well. I was fired from my job about 3 weeks ago. I should be starting a very part time job, but there's a long process of getting me approved before I can start. I've been trying to find another job to supplement with, but haven't been offered anything yet. It's been really rough, my depression keeps digging in further and further. I just want to get out of the house, but there's nothing to do until I can start working again.

finally heard from someone, she forgot to pay the internet company

she is fine though thank goodness

I can't believe it's now Friday evening and another day's gone to waste.

ah well.. suppose I didn't expect anything else

[SlumberKitty]

Feeling a little better today. Not crying as much.

[Smileonmyface]

I heard back from my old clinic. they are taking me back as a patient and I have appointments for everything. I am so relieved.

[SlumberKitty]

Originally Posted by Smileonmyface

I heard back from my old clinic. they are taking me back as a patient and I have appointments for everything. I am so relieved.

That's great news!

[katydid777]

Pretty much the same stuff just a different day.

The weekend came up pretty fast. It was a nice, easy four day work week. Today was very slow at work today.

I worked out and it went well. Went down to the pool area and the Jacuzzi didn't work. It hasn't worked for a while. I've notified the HOA about it. They would solve it in a day; but not so now. Also the pool area has been dark because of no lights (or some lights in the distance) since the sun goes down. It's been that way for a good while. Also the laundry room has broken machines and are not being repaired. I think it's either time to get a new management company or move out. The complex has gotten so bad lately, although it hasn't been that great all along. Going from bad to worse.

[Albatross2008]

Hollow. Empty inside. Mechanical. Just going through the motions.

Not feeling well.

[Rose76]

My bf and I have been squabbling for a few days. It starts over small things, escalates and then I'm hurt and resentful. He quickly forgets and doesn't care.

He totally doesn't understand that I need to be told something nice now and then. If I am in a good mood and act cheerful, then he is pretty nice. But I get demoralized. When I am, he never thinks of saying something encouraging to me. He can be pretty stupid.

Originally Posted by Arbie

Hollow. Empty inside. Mechanical. Just going through the motions.

ditto today

can't think of a single reason why it is even worthwhile

Fighting with arrogant, self-centered, egomaniacs is exhausting and infuriating. If only......

[katydid777]

I can't explain how I feel this morning. I guess way too many things going through my mind.

[88Butterfly88]

Possible trigger:

Wishing I was dead again but I'm not going to kill myself.

I woke up feeling depressed. Finishing up the cleaning and the laundry. A lot of work this morning. And now I will do errands.

My friend keeps telling me that he wants to go with me on my trip. I could
have him come with me but I would rather not. As of now he's practically planning on what I should take with me on the trip. I don't want him to come with me because he would take over the trip with me. I don't want to be with bossy people.

[Smileonmyface]

I feel like a terrible person because i am afraid i am getting taken advantage of and it is making me want to avoid the people instead of being a friend and helping out. but the whole thing is making me completely uncomfortable.